The best Quotes by Dr. Sonya

The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a 'whoosh', like a waterslide. [Lily screaming] Slightly painful waterslide.

If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's when we discover who we really are and what we really want.

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be that one bewitching little detail that'll make you fall in love with her instantly? You know, a little freckle on the nose, the lilt of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase...

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

The beauty of a moment, is that it's fleeting.

Barney: "Ted what is my one rule?"
Ted: "You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Flax seed relieves upset stomach?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there."
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "New is always better?"
Barney: "New is always better!"

If we're together long enough I hope that one day you see yourself like I do.

Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.

When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree...

Ted: "My mother is not one-night-stand material!"
Barney: "Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing."

Seven years ago when Marshall and Lily got engaged Ted saw Robin across a crowded room and I said 'oh yeah you just know she likes it dirty', but Ted really liked her, so we played 'Have You met Ted?' They went to dinner, he walked her home, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
So he stole the Smurf penis, went back to her place, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof but decided to be friends - lame.
Then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria. Didn't kiss her either - lame.
Not a great closer Ted. Then he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany. Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin. Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil came back with a Latin stud.
Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning it as much as possible. I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up... Robin and I started dating and I got fat, her hair fell out, we broke up. Robin dated Don, I dated Nora. I cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora. Robin dated Kevin but not for long and then I met you and you took my Grandpa's watch, but I fell in love with you anyway and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said 'yes', so we came over here to meet little Marvin and that's everything. Also I went on the Price Is Right and I won a dune buggy.

Barney: "Let me choose your child's middle name! Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I said I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "No, the middle name is 'Wait For It'. Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, 'Barney'. He'd be Barney 'Wait For It' Eriksen. How awesome is that?"

Ted: "Barney! I'm allowed to miss them, okay? They're my two best friends."
Barney: "I'm your two best friends!"

Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.
I had forgotten that, but I was about to be reminded...

I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!

Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all.

I never wanted any of it to change, but that's not how life works.

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

I know our relationship isn't exactly what you want it to be. And I know I may not love you the way you love me, but I DO love you. Isn't that worth hanging on to?

Here are a few fun facts about Long Island... Number 1: It's Brooklyn's fart-trail.

Robin: "Ted, are you acting out the last scene of 'Sleepless in Seattle' with little dolls?"
Ted: "How long have you been out here?"
Robin: "Ten seconds."
Ted: "Yeah - just the last scene."

Marshall: "It's kind of a big, professional meeting. You might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt."
Ted: "Yeah. I'll just give it to one of these kids."
Marshall: "Oh, buddy. You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer 'em candy!"

When you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One good deed leads to another and another.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

Marshall: "Excuse me, miss. When you get a chance, could you bring over a hundred shots of tequila please?"
Barney: "I'll have the same."

Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it?

Lily: "Just give me his name!"
Robin: "Fine. It's Bill Pepper."
Lily: "Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin?"

Marshall: "I don't care if the dishes aren't done, okay? If you care, you do it."
Lily: "Great, then I don't care if you have an org*sm. If you care, you do it."

Ted: "I hate how you're always right."
Lily: "It's my best, and most annoying, trait."

Quinn: "In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits."
Barney: "Why? What would you do with them?"
Quinn: "Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style."

If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing "The Disappearing Salami" anytime soon?

Barney: "The Disappearing Salami... Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him before he could ever tell me what the trick was."
Quinn: "Yeah, that guy was banging your mom!"

I hired a decorator and I asked him: "What would the inside of Tinkerbell's v*gina look like?"
And the kid just ran with it!

Ted: "Robin and I already had our backslide. Last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago."
Stella: "Did you place a large bet against yourself?"

Ted: "We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door."
Stella: "Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow."

Barney: "You avoiding the family too?"
James: "I'm gay, I'm black and I'm getting a divorce. Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacists."

The Pork Authority is closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you little buddy.

Knowledge is a paradox. The more one understands, the more one realizes the vastness of his ignorance.