The best Quotes by Doug Heffernan

The best Quotes by Doug Heffernan

Douglas Steven "Doug" Heffernan is a fictional character and the protagonist of the American sitcom The King of Queens. The character has also appeared in Everybody Loves Raymond, Becker, and Cosby. The character is portrayed by actor Kevin James, whose stand-up comedy provided the comedic themes and general style of the show.

No wife of mine is gonna do dishes on Valentine's Day. You can do these tomorrow.
King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 16
Carrie: "What are you doing?"
Doug: "Well, from your tone of voice... I'm guessing, not the right thing."
King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 13
Spence: "A month is not that long not to have had sex."
Doug: "Yeah, but if you add in the other 31 years, I'd think you'd be a little antsy..."
King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 12
You know, it has been 17 days since I've "enjoyed" you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.
King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 1
Carrie: "I can't do this to him. I can't stick him in some crappy place where they're gonna just prop him up in a chair and pump him full of Jell-O. I mean, he's my father.
Doug: "Car, I know how you feel. But you gotta be realistic, there's no alternative."
Carrie: "Well, there is one alternative..."
Doug: "Euthanasia?! Do we dare?"
King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 1

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I don't think they believed the last excuse you gave them. What was it, that you 'were stuck in a well'?
Carrie Heffernan in King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 1
A song can take you to a special time in your life.
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined an improv group... it all started opening up.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.
"How do you spell 'love'?" - "You don't spell it... you feel it."
If you want more sex, just ask for it.
Selfies are electronic masturbation.
My heart would never flutter for those who needlessly hurt others!

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