The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with.King Zøg in Disenchantment, Season 2 Episode 4
Zøg: "I'd like to tell you something about understandin' women."
Zøg: "I said I'd like to, doesn't mean I can."
Leavo: "Stone socks? 'Tis no treasure."
Bean: "I thought the liquid only stonified living things?"
Zøg: "You don't know my socks."
This loon thought the world was round. This nut married a duck. This vision of beauty tried to drown her grandchildren. Luckily, they were all ducks.Jerry in Disenchantment, Season 2 Episode 1
I'm just about at the end of my 24-hour shift. There it is. Well, back to work.Jerry in Disenchantment, Season 2 Episode 1
Bean: "Wow, that's the best soup I ever had!"
Dagmar: "It's Whiskey."
I only got in trouble once, and... um.. Daddy Elfo um... slapped me on the bum bum.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 3
Queen Dagmar: "Sounds to me like he deserves a marvelous funeral."
King Zøg: "Great idea. I'll get someone to fish him out of the corpse pit."
Maybe that's why I've had such low elf-esteem.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 9
Bean: "I just realized something. You're the reason I have a drinking problem."
Zøg: "Of course I am. I'm your father."
Lying to me in any other way than flattery is a mortal crime.King Zøg in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 9
Oh, floor, you're always there for me. So supportive. Not like walls and staircases, always getting in my way.Princess Bean in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 6
Luci: "I can't believe he called you a worthless, bucktoothed degenerate."
Bean: "He didn't say that."
Luci: "Doesn't make it any less true."
Maybe reality is the dream and dreams are reality. You ever think about that?Luci in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 4
It's a lemon, guys. It's what we feed children in hell.Luci in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 3
Some might say her cries for help were a cry for help, but I think she was just being an attention hog.Luci in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 3
Lady Lingonberry: "I'm drowning!"
Elfo: "I'm Elfo!"
Bean: "I'm gonna have to kill him or something."
Luci: "Do it! Do it! Do it! And after you kill him we can hide the body. Then we could join the search party and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh."
Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean. And so is mine... if you live.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 2
Destiny is baloney. Your future is not foretold. It's what you make of it.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 1
Bean: "What's this weird feeling I don't want to drink away?"
Elfo: "That's hope. That's hope!"
Luci: "You know what we say in hell? 'Hope's for dopes.'"
Bean: "You two sleep down at my feet. I call it the friend zone."
Luci: "Get comfortable. You ain't never getting outta here."
Hey, he's making fun of my dreams. That's what friends do.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 1
I wanna taste something other than sweetness. I wanna cry salty tears, learn bitter truths. I wanna take a big, meaty bite out of life and dip it in mustard.Elfo in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 1
All this wedding hassle for a stupid political alliance? I thought that I'd get married for true love, or because I was wasted.Princess Bean in Disenchantment, Season 1 Episode 1