Quotes from Desperate Housewives

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care.

You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.

Human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness isn't one of them.

We all havee momeents of deespeeration. If we can face them head-on, that's when we find out, how strong we really are.

I want him to have what he wants - if it's what I want.

Tom's packin'! We're talkin' big, circus big. So big, he can drive in the car pool lane when he's alone. If it falls in the forest, believe me - it makes a sound. The Washington monument looks at it and says, "I want to be you when I grow up!"

Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to actually cleaning the house!

There's no bad guys here, there's just people trying to figure things out.

Rich and single, I wonder what he looks like - you rarely get the trifecta.

Baby. Number. Five. An entire basketball team has come out of me, so I'm officially too exhausted to care!

Tom: "I never thought you'd want a fifth kid?"
Lynette: "I don't, but I didn't want the first four and they're starting to grow on me!"

We've had sex 23 days straight. I've seen more ceiling than Michelangelo!

Tom: "Are you as tired as I am?"
Lynette: "More. But I'm tougher, and I complain less."
Tom: "Not when you give birth - and you do that a lot."

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or santa's not gonna bring you anything for christmas.

We will find someone - someone who doesn't remember what they were doing the day Lincoln was shot.

It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

Gabrielle Solis: "I never bragged."
Lynette Scavo: "You once called your face 'proof of God's existence'."

Lynette: "You think doing laundry is throwing dirty clothes in the hamper and getting clean ones out of the drawer."
Porter: "That's how dad does it?!"
Tom: "O-okay, let's stay on topic!"

Gabrielle: "She's Romanian! When your people are being chased into Argentina by angry cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn't that important."
Carlos: "How about you stick to fractions, and I'll teach Juanita geography?"

If you lay one finger on Ana, Carlos will knock every tooth out of your mouth, which will make you pretty darn popular in prison!

Sister Mary: "Money can't buy happiness."
Gabrielle: "Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting."

Julie: "No man has seen you naked in years. Except your doctor."
Susan: "And he retired. I try not to take that personally."

Andrew: "Mom...?"
Bree: "Please don't interrupt me while I'm speaking! Now what is it, dear?"
Andrew: "Danielle's upstairs trying to commit suicide. There's no rush, she's not trying that hard..."

Bree: "Well, the key is to not let them know what you're doing. This requires observation, cunning and manipulation."
Gabrielle: "Isn't it just easier to shut down your hoo-ha until he gives in?"

Bree: "The man's a doctor, for heaven sakes. You've done better than I did."
Orson: "That was a bit of a drive-by."

Mike: "You're kidding. We're playing an actual gig?"
Tom: "In front of people who aren't listening just because I pay their allowance? Well, this is fantastic!"

That pine shields my view of the Purcell's backyard, and if you had ever seen Mr. Purcell sunbathe, you'd know exactly what that tree means to me.

Gabrielle: "How about that? And here I was thinking some guy wants to murder me in my sleep."
Carlos: "The night's still young!"