The best Quotes by David Sedaris

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

After a few months in my parents' bas*ment, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

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Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

There are two kinds of big companies in the United States. There are those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those who don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.

James Comey

China Hackers

I believe that Americans should be deeply skeptical of government power. You cannot trust people in power. The founders knew that. That's why they divided power among three branches, to set interest against interest.

James Comey

I will do everything if confirmed as FBI director to make sure the American public knows the full weight of what happened.

Kash Patel - Januar 2025

The Epstein Files

Technology has forever changed the world we live in. We're online, in one way or another, all day long. Our phones and computers have become reflections of our personalities, our interests, and our identities. They hold much that is important to us.

James Comey

Smartphones

There are well over 250 victims, so we have to make sure that their identity is protected. Other than that, I think tomorrow you're gonna see some Epstein information being released by my office. What you're gonna see is a lot of flight-logs, a lot of names, a lot of information.

Pam Bondi - February 2025

The Epstein Files

The people of the FBI are sworn to protect both security and liberty. It isn't a question of conflict. We must care deeply about protecting liberty through due process of law, while also safeguarding the citizens we serve - in every investigation.

James Comey

FBI

It's sitting on my desk right now to review. The Trump administration is committed to truth and transparency.

Pam Bondi - February 2025

The Epstein Files

It's a very delicate subject but we should put everything out there and let the people decide it.

Mike Johnson - July 2025

The Epstein Files

All I'm going to say is I put my hand on a Bible, and I raised my right hand and swore to uphold the Constitution of the state of Florida.

Pam Bondi

Florida

Historically, there has been a clear and essential connection between marriage and responsible procreation and child rearing.

Pam Bondi

Will I support our president, whoever that might be? Absolutely. Did I vote for Donald Trump? Absolutely.

Pam Bondi

Donald Trump

Anyone who attacks our LGBT community, anyone who attacks anyone in our state, will be gone after with the full extent of the law.

Pam Bondi

All I want to do is be the best attorney general that I can be.

Pam Bondi

For too long, government bureaucracies have hindered the growth of businesses not only in Louisiana, but all across the United States.

Mike Johnson

Louisiana

No successful civilization prior to the 21st century has ever provided legal preferences for same-sex relationships.

Mike Johnson

It's a central premise of the Bible that God invented civil government.

Mike Johnson

There is no right to abortion in the Constitution.

Mike Johnson

Abortion

Put on your big boy pants and let us know who the pedophiles are.

Kash Patel - December 2023

The Epstein Files

We need to release the Epstein list.

J. D. Vance - October 2024

The Epstein Files

If people in that report are still fighting to keep their names private, they have no legal basis to do so unless they're a child, a victim or a cooperating defendant.

Pam Bondi - January 2024

The Epstein Files

That Jeffrey Epstein story is a big deal. Please do not let that story go. Keep your eye on it.

Dan Bongino - May 2023

The Epstein Files

If you want to be honest, LeBron James is the greatest player to ever put a Miami Heat jersey on... I'm the greatest player in the history of the Miami Heat... But I'm not the greatest player to put on a Heat jersey.

Dwayne Wade

LeBron James Miami Heat

Today, the America Party is formed to give you back your freedom.

Elon Musk - July 2025

2025

Critical thinking is the most important factor with chess. As it is in life, you need to think before you make decisions.

Hikaru Nakamura

Thinking Chess

Chess is a game where all different sorts of people can come together, not a game in which people are divided because of their religion or country of origin.

Hikaru Nakamura

Chess

The single most important thing in life is to believe in yourself regardless of what everyone else says.

Hikaru Nakamura

In poker, you want to play the weaker guys. In chess, it's the opposite.

Hikaru Nakamura

Chess Poker

What was great about Fischer is that when he became world champion is that chess was being covered everywhere. It was in all the major newspapers, it was on TV.

Hikaru Nakamura

Bobby Fischer

This is the dirty work that Israel is doing – for all of us. Otherwise, we might have continued to endure the terror of this regime for months or years – and possibly even with nuclear weapons.

Friedrich Merz - Juni 2025

Iran Israel 2025

People know three chess players: Magnus, Hikaru and me. That's bad. That's not my fault. And I hope it changes.

GothamChess - Juni 2025

Magnus Carlsen Chess Hikaru Nakamura

The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of Dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it!

Donald Trump - Juni 2025

Elon Musk

Donald Trump is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public.
Have a nice day, DJT!

Elon Musk - Juni 2025

Donald Trump 2025 The Epstein Files

My faith is incredibly important to me, I would argue, now more than ever, being in a role that is very demanding and at times controversial. It could be difficult for someone who doesn't have faith but with faith, all things are possible.

Karoline Leavitt - March 2025

The Trump White House will speak to all media outlets and personalities, not just the legacy media.

Karoline Leavitt - Januar 2025

President Trump is back, and the golden age of America has most definitely begun.

Karoline Leavitt - Januar 2025

Donald Trump

What's worth more than a Queen? You are.

GothamChess

Chess

After an extraordinary search, we are delighted to announce we have found our Harry, Hermione and Ron. The talent of these three unique actors is wonderful to behold, and we cannot wait for the world to witness their magic together onscreen.

Francesca Gardiner - May 2025

I've always had the really unappealing desire to be top of the class, and I feel very strongly aligned with the Hermione archetype. Which is, you know, it has its benefits and also has its huge downfall.

Francesca Gardiner - September 2024

If you're not guilty of a crime, what do you need immunity for? If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?

Donald Trump - September 2016

The Epstein Files

Interviewer: "Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18?"
Epstein: "Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today, I'm going to have to assert my 5th, 6th, and 14th Amendment Right, sir."

Jeffrey Epstein - March 2010

Donald Trump The Epstein Files

I'm here to declare myself an independent candidate for President of the United States.

RFK Jr. - Oktober 2023

There is an argument that COVID-19 is ethnically targeted. COVID-19 attacks certain races disproportionately.

RFK Jr. - Juli 2023

I think global warming is the gravest threat. With global warming, it's the product of a war between old energy - between the carbon cronies, who, by the way, could not stay in business in a true free market capitalism.

RFK Jr.

The best Quotes by David Sedaris

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