Quotes by David Letterman

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.