Quote by Dave Attell

Quote by Dave Attell

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Dave Attell

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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

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I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Dave Attell

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

Dave Attell

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

Dave Attell

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

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