Quotes by Dave Attell

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.