Lawyers are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up.
I'll tell you one thing, it's a cruel, cruel world.
Of course I've got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up.
It's fun to be on the edge. I think you do your best work when you take chances, when you're not safe, when you're not in the middle of the road, at least for me, anyway.
I've been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a tower, and it's leaning. You look at it, but nothing happens, so then you look for someplace to get a sandwich.
I don't look ahead. I'm right here with you. It's a good way to be.
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I am the Lorax, and I'll yell and I'll shout for the fine things on earth that are on their way out!
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become.
Once-ler in The Lorax
3When a guy does something stupid once, well that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl.
Once-ler in The Lorax
3You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded...
The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
Harvey Dent in Batman - The Dark Knight
13Franklin Finbar: "You are a terrible driver!"
Smolder Bravestone: "What are you talking about? I just passed my driver’s test last month... again."
Smolder Bravestone: "What are you talking about? I just passed my driver’s test last month... again."
Dr. Smolder Bravestone in Jumanji - The Next Level
2This next adventure is even more challenging. This time, not all of you will leave the game alive. And remember, the future of Jumanji is in your hands.
Nigel in Jumanji - The Next Level
3Are you crying? You don't cry, all right? You keep your chin up. Come on, keep your chin up. Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem you face it like a man.
Alan Parrish in Jumanji
Sarah: "Alan, you wrestled an alligator for me."
Alan: "It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg."
Sarah: "My mistake."
Alan: "It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg."
Sarah: "My mistake."
Sarah Whittle in Jumanji
1Judy Shepherd: "A law of the jungle has been broken - it will set back more than your token."
Sarah Whittle: "You tried to cheat?"
Peter Shepherd: "I tried to drop the dice so they would land on twelve."
Sarah Whittle: "You tried to cheat?"
Peter Shepherd: "I tried to drop the dice so they would land on twelve."
Peter Shepherd in Jumanji
2Jumanji. A game for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind. You roll the dice to move your token. Doubles gets another turn. And the first player to reach the end wins.
Alan Parrish in Jumanji
They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true. What they don't tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.
Edward Bloom in Big Fish
2Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.
Edward Bloom in Big Fish
Kept in a small bowl, they will remain small. With more space, the fish can double, triple or quadruple its size.
Edward Bloom in Big Fish
In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate the fact from the fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn't always make sense, and most of it never happened. But that's what kind of story this is.
Will Bloom in Big Fish
You see, most men, they'll tell a story straight through— it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
Edward Bloom in Big Fish
It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in social niceties.
Edward Bloom in Big Fish
Never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous. Go the whole hog. Make sure everything you do is so completely crazy it's unbelievable.
It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.
The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.
So Matilda’s strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone.
All the reading she had done had given her a view of life they had never seen.
I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.
This is why you never go to New Jersey!
The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, we gotta go to Jersey.
Lisa: "What was your booth for again?"
Tom: "It was free legal advice. I'm a lawyer."
Lisa: "So you are a creep."
Tom: "It was free legal advice. I'm a lawyer."
Lisa: "So you are a creep."
Lisa in I Believe in Santa
If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.
My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.
If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?
One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.
I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.