I have loved her even when I hated her... only married couples'll understand that one.MarriageCrazy, Stupid, Love., by Cal
Liz: "Hot guy from the bar who hit on you is here."
Hannah: "Liz, I'm studying."
Liz: "You should be studying the ceiling of his bedroom!"
Jacob: "Are you Steve Jobs?"
Jacob: "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?"
Jacob: "Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."
I'm going to help you find your manhood. Do you have any idea where you might have lost it?Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up.NeverCrazy, Stupid, Love., by Cal
Will you take off your shirt...- f-k! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!PhotoshopCrazy, Stupid, Love., by Hannah
The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
I don't know whether to help you or euthanize you.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
Jacob: "Let's talk about how many women you've been with."
Jacob: "Yeah, no, I mean break-dance fighting."
The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
Cal: "How about we say what we want on three? One, two, three."
Emily: "I want a divorce."
Cal: "Crème Brûlée."
I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
When I told you when I had to work late? I really went to go see the new Twilight movie by myself, and it was so bad.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Emily
Cal: "I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. Which is actually something that I used to say to my wife, but now it's become corrupted and I have eighteen layers of clothes on. I'm wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just... it's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I'm... this sweater, this is called slim cut, but it feels like a scuba suite and I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?"
Kate: "You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?"
Cal: "That's what you picked up from what I just said?"
You see, the problem is, your head is like the proportions of a styrofoam peanut.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
Hannah: "I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar."
Hannah: "Jacob! Sorry, Jacob..."
Jacob: "Do people still say 'bang'?"
Hannah: "I do. And we're gonna bang!"
You're as ready as you're ever gonna be. You play your strengths, Pal. That's all any of us can do. I'm mysterious, I'm, you know, good in bed and you're - you are... you know, a stable employed adult.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Jacob Palmer
Kate: "What do you want to do with me?"
Cal: "I want to show you off to my ex-wife and make her really jealous."
Cal: "Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?"
Cal's Boss: "Amy heard you crying in the bathroom; we all thought it was cancer."
Cal's Boss: "Thank God, man!"
Jacob: "You see that, Cal? As soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany starting doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you anymore."
Cal: "That's probably the meanest thing anyone's every said to me."
I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates.Crazy, Stupid, Love., by Cal