The best Quotes from Crazy, Stupid, Love.

I have loved her even when I hated her... only married couples'll understand that one.

Liz: "Hot guy from the bar who hit on you is here."
Hannah: "Liz, I'm studying."
Liz: "You should be studying the ceiling of his bedroom!"

Jacob: "Are you Steve Jobs?"
Cal: "What?"
Jacob: "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?"
Cal: "No."
Jacob: "Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."

I'm going to help you find your manhood. Do you have any idea where you might have lost it?

I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up.

Will you take off your shirt...- f-k! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!

The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

I don't know whether to help you or euthanize you.

Jacob: "Let's talk about how many women you've been with."
Cal: "Sexually?"
Jacob: "Yeah, no, I mean break-dance fighting."

The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.

Cal: "How about we say what we want on three? One, two, three."
Emily: "I want a divorce."
Cal: "Crème Brûlée."

I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.

When I told you when I had to work late? I really went to go see the new Twilight movie by myself, and it was so bad.

Cal: "I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. Which is actually something that I used to say to my wife, but now it's become corrupted and I have eighteen layers of clothes on. I'm wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just... it's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I'm... this sweater, this is called slim cut, but it feels like a scuba suite and I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?"
Kate: "You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?"
Cal: "That's what you picked up from what I just said?"

You see, the problem is, your head is like the proportions of a styrofoam peanut.

Hannah: "I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar."
Jacob: "Jacob."
Hannah: "Jacob! Sorry, Jacob..."
Jacob: "Do people still say 'bang'?"
Hannah: "I do. And we're gonna bang!"

You're as ready as you're ever gonna be. You play your strengths, Pal. That's all any of us can do. I'm mysterious, I'm, you know, good in bed and you're - you are... you know, a stable employed adult.

Kate: "What do you want to do with me?"
Cal: "I want to show you off to my ex-wife and make her really jealous."

Cal: "Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?"
Cal's Boss: "Amy heard you crying in the bathroom; we all thought it was cancer."
Cal: "Oh."
Cal's Boss: "Thank God, man!"

Jacob: "You see that, Cal? As soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany starting doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you anymore."
Cal: "That's probably the meanest thing anyone's every said to me."

I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates.

Critics can be your most important friend. I don't read criticism of my stuff only because when it's bad, it's rough-and when it's good, it's not good enough.

Part of being a man is learning to take responsibility for your successes and for your failures. You can't go blaming others or being jealous. Seeing somebody else's success as your failure is a cancerous way to live.

I really believe that all of us have a lot of darkness in our souls. Anger, rage, fear, sadness. I don't think that's only reserved for people who have horrible upbringings. I think it really exists and is part of the human condition. I think in the course of your life you figure out ways to deal with that.

A good director creates an environment, which gives the actor the encouragement to fly.

Arizona is the worst place to spend the summer - it's like 125 degrees.

Just because I don't have a college degree doesn't mean I am not smart!

I really like grammar. And spelling. I was a spelling-bee kid. I'm hard-core about grammar.

Comedy's my first love. I love that so much. You play comedy in drama, too. The difference between genres doesn't really change the method of acting.

Sometimes I think that the one thing I love most about being an adult is the right to buy candy whenever and wherever I want.

It's not easy to leave your hometown and your family and your support system and come out to Los Angeles to - to pursue a dream where the odds are not in your favor.

I never was that boy who loved gangster films, but when I was growing up, I was obsessed with the detective Dick Tracy. It was one of my favourite movies as a kid, and he really inspired me. I would have loved to be part of that golden age of Hollywood in the 1940s. It made me want to become an actor.

You can only be yourself, and it sounds cheesy, but when it comes to filmmaking, there's really nowhere to hide.

My father was a military judge, and my mother was a psychiatric social worker. My brother and sister and I were moved around constantly, in and outside the U.S., living in Germany for much of our teens.

Within childhood behaviors, there are known behaviors; there's teasing and there's name-calling, and different kinds of things happen as kids start to socialize. And then there's serious bullying, and then there's actual aggression and behavioral problems. But you can't put it all under the tent of bullying.

My life may be a pretty crazy life at times, but it's a very privileged one - being able to earn a good living doing what you love. Not many people have such an opportunity.

I've got more freckles than just about anybody. My children didn't get them, thankfully. They have tiny little freckles.

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Great things in business are never done by one person. They're done by a team of people.

Living in the moment, thinking about the future, and staying connected to the past: That's what makes me feel whole.

Could I be in a better place and happier than I am today? I don't think so.

He called you pretty... That's practically an insult, the way you look right now... You're much more than beautiful.

Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Gerald Broflovski: "Well that does it, I'm going to the police!"
Stan: "For what?"
Gerald Broflovski: "To find out where Apple is keeping my son."
Stan: "Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!"

Never's the word God listens for when he needs a laugh.

Photoshop should be a free-to-play game. There's not really a difference between very traditional apps and how they enhance productivity and wandering around a forest and killing bears.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.

If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.