The best Quotes by Craig Ferguson

The best Quotes by Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-American comedian, actor, writer, and television host.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch – or maybe you're the governor of Arizona.

Arizona Cinco de Mayo

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

1

American Football Thanksgiving

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

Barbecue Meat Cows

If I have a near-beer, I'm near beer. And if I'm near beer, I'm close to tequila. And if I'm close to tequila, I'm adjacent to cocaine.

Beer Tequila Cocaine

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

Maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun!"

Fear Positive Quotes

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them. I want to be one of me.

If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love.

I didn't say "no", because between safety and adventure... I choose adventure.

I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

Billy Connolly

1

You can leave Glasgow, but it will never leave you.

Glasgow is a great city.

Nicola Sturgeon

One of the attributes Glasgow is best known for all over the world is the friendliness of her people.

Nicola Sturgeon

I loved going surfing down on Venice Beach. I'd go out with a board under my arm and think, "I can't do that in Cranhill."

Los Angeles Scotland Glasgow

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Glasgow - which is kinda the same.

You know you're from Arizona when you feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

1

Arizona Chicken & Roosters Eggs

Welcome to Arizona, where summer spends the winter and hell spends the summer.

1

Don't burrito your head in the sand.

If you don't like tacos, I'm definitely nacho type!

Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 12

3

William Shatner Leonard Cohen Pamela Anderson Neil Young Canada

Look, if Michael Jordan's healthy, you don't let Scottie Pippen run the offense. Oh, you're from Canada, right. If Wayne Gretzky's healthy, you don't let François... what I'm saying is: hockey is stupid and I'm point guy!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

2

Michael Jordan Wayne Gretzky Scottie Pippen Canada Hockey

On a football team, it’s not the strength of the individual players, but it is the strength of the unit and how they all function together.

Bill Belichick

1

American Football New England Patriots Community

Football is unconditional love.

1

American Football

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 10

2

Kim Kardashian Thanksgiving

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Oprah Winfrey

1

Gratitude Satisfaction Thanksgiving

What do you mean, "he don't eat no meat"? That's okay. I'll make lamb.

Aunt Voula in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

I'd love to be a wasp. First, I'm gonna ruin someone's BBQ and then I'll drown myself in their beer.

Meat without wine is also a sin.

Larys Strong in House Of The Dragon - Season 1 Episode 6

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

John Cleese

Turns out dad's been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.

Louise Belcher in Bob's Burgers - Season 1 Episode 3

Child, you're a couple cows short of a steak!

Tahm Kench, the River King in League of Legends

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 10

3

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

3

Alcohol Beer Brain

More tequila
More love
More anything
More is better

Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

15

She's holding that bottle of tequila like a life vest.

Alex Karev in Grey's Anatomy - Season 5 Episode 12

13

I take quaaludes ten to fifteen times a day for my "back pain", adderall tostay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again and morphine well... 'cause its awesome.

Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street

5

You can't snort a line of coke off a woman's ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.

Hank Moody in Californication - Season 1 Episode 8

3

Cocaine Gentleman

Can't change the world by following all the rules.

Kiriko in Overwatch

1

Hermione: "I mean, it's sort of exciting isn't it? Breaking the rules."
Ron: "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?"

Ron Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

21

Hermione Granger Rules

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.

Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray

10

Children & Childhood Parents

Anything I've done up till May 27th 1999 was kind of an illusion, existing without living. My daughter, the birth of my daughter, gave me life.

Johnny Depp

7

Parents Birth Father & Daughter

There's a lot of money to be made in scaring people.

Dana Scully in The X-Files

Fear Conspiracy Theories

Admitting your fears is the first and most difficult step in overcoming them.

Tenzin in The Legend of Korra

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

16

Life Optimism Dancing Rain Positive Quotes

Nothing's gonna save our lifes, so... we're breathing borrowed air.

Will Newman in Five Feet Apart

7

Positive Quotes

Related pages to Craig Ferguson

The best Quotes by Comedians

Cinco de Mayo

American Football

The best Quotes for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Quotes about Barbecue - BBQ and Grilling

Meat

Cows