The best Quotes by Conan O'Brien

The best Quotes by Conan O'Brien

Conan Christopher O'Brien (born April 18, 1963) is an American television host, comedian, writer, and producer.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.
5
Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's a holiday that's as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center's Mexican food pavilion.
The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.
I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.
There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.
It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, "Jesus! This cup is expensive!"
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

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President Trump is a failed leader. He will go down in history as the worst president ever.
Arnold Schwarzenegger - January 2021
1
Marihuana? That's not a drug, it's a plant.
1
Just remember, you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
1
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
1
That's what divides one from a champion and one from not being a champion. If you can go through this pain barrier, you make it to be a champion, if you can´t go through, forget it.
1
Hate burns fast and bright, and it might make you feel empowered for a while, but eventually it consumes whatever vessel it fuels.
Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.
Grandmother Willow in Pocahontas
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Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
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...yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man.
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I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that.
22
Don't burrito your head in the sand.
If you don't like tacos, I'm definitely nacho type!
This is why you never go to New Jersey!
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, we gotta go to Jersey.
Hulk in What If…? - Season 1 Episode 4
Definition: What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
HK-47 in Star Wars Games - Knights of the Old Republic
The biggest hurdle that our communities have is cynicism - saying it's a done deal, who cares; there's no point to voting.
There's a lot of money to be made in scaring people.
Admitting your fears is the first and most difficult step in overcoming them.
In order to get cheap accommodation in Australia, we like foreign people to do manual labour for us. Helping feed the cows is very important, they are the future of McDonald's.
Ozzy Man Reviews - Royal Tour [FEAT. Prince Harry and Meghan]
1
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Hercules, huh? That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn - there he is.
Rick Riordan in Percy Jackson - The Heroes of Olympus 3: The Mark of Athena
1
Brett Hand: "Question. Is this place evil?"
Reagan: "Uh, is Facebook evil? Is Starbucks evil?"
Reagan Ridley in Inside Job - Season 1 Episode 1
One original thought is worth 1000 meaningless quotes.
Don't ever do that again. It's very off-putting when you quote smart dead guys back at me. That's my thing.
Nate in Dog Gone
Halloween. The one day of the year it's socially acceptable to play dress-up. The only question is, who do you want to be? There are costumes to make men feel like boys again. Or turn little girls into queens.
Gossip Girl in Gossip Girl - Season 3
3
Like all good things the witching hour must come to an end. True natures are revealed. Tricks are turned into treats. And taking off costumes is as much fun as putting them on. Except for little girls who forget that Halloween is only one night. They wear their costumes for so long pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them on. XOXO - Gossip Girl.
Gossip Girl in Gossip Girl - Season 3
3
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".
2
To never be sick can't be healthy.
F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.
Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
This is the end of Wladimir Putin.
Jan Böhmermann - February 2022
Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.
Jan Böhmermann (ZDF Magazin Royale) - vom 12.02.2021
Perfection is impossible. In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches. But what percentage of points did I win? 54%! In other words, even top ranked tennis players win barely more than half the points they play. When you lose every second point on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot.
Roger Federer - Juni 2024

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The best Quotes by ComediansComedyArnold SchwarzeneggerQuotes about Labor & Working hardWorkThe best quotes about Kindness and CourtesyKindnessCinco de MayoNew JerseyCynicismQuotes about Anxiety and FearFearMcDonald'sStarbucks