The best Quotes by Columbo

Before coffee, I'm up and walking around but I'm not awake.

I'm going home and finish getting drunk.

Rumford: "Do you have a first name?"
Columbo: "I do. My wife is about the only one that uses it."

It's a little... steep. But I'll tell ya, it was the quickest way down.

My wife says I'm the second smartest. She claims there are 80 guys tied for first.

Let's start with small things. Let's finish our coffee.

Perfect murder, sir? Oh, I'm sorry. There's no such thing as a perfect murder. That's just an illusion.

Oh, there's just one more thing...

What's the name of that famous museum in Paris? The Louvre? I went through that place in 20 minutes.

My idea of Heaven is to wake up, have a good breakfast, and spend the rest of the day drawing.

Sometimes I was in school plays, but only when the kid they'd originally picked got sick and they asked me to substitute.

The entertainment industry is loaded with extraordinarily talented people. But the true, genuine originals, they're rare.

I'm just looking to get through the day.

That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.

Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.

I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.

Linda: "Why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?"
Lucifer: "The same reason as everyone else: the weather, p*rnstars, Mexican food."

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Los Angeles was the kind of place where everybody was from somewhere else and nobody really droppped anchor.

The L.A. weather is a lot like Taiwan's, where you don't observe four seasons, so the years can pass and you don't feel a thing.

If there's not enough coffee for everyone, there's coffee for no one.

To caffeine and sugar, my companions through many a long night of writing.

Tao Xu: "If he is even slightly mean to you...-"
Charlie: "...you'll murder him."
Tao Xu: "I was going to say I'd send him a strongly worded DM, but murder's fine too."

It's kind of ironic. The more care you put into a murder, the harsher society judges you.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"