The best Quotes by Chris Rock

If I ever have a daughter I am going to name her Taken. That way, when a boy asks her name she'll say "Hi, I'm Taken."

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Drugs Marijuana & Weed

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

NRA

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Pretty girls have problems too.

Girls

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

Music

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Women

Quotes about Chris Rock

How come Chris Rock can do a routine, and everyone finds it hilarious and groundbreaking. Then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to corporate?

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 1 Episode 2

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Bean: "K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y. Confidence."
Eric: "Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college."

Eric Lamonsoff in Grown Ups

Becky Feder: "How long ago was the '80s?"
Keithie Feder: "That was way back in the 1900s. We learned about it in school. It was wack. The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end. You had to watch commercials."

Grown Ups - 2

80s

A burpsnart? It's simple. You just start with a burp, then you sniff with a sneeze, you get the going, and that triggers a fart, always.

Eric Lamonsoff in Grown Ups - 2

Lenny Feder: "Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?"
Dr. Larry: "There is. It's called Jack Daniels."

Grown Ups - 2

Whiskey

I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! Damn you, Obama!

Kurt McKenzie in Grown Ups - 2

Barack Obama

Do not call him a bug-eyed sociopath with a little man complex. Do not say that his hair makes him look like a dirty q-tip. Or that he resembles an older, gay Jonas Brother. Or a midget, Filipino Fonzi.

Gloria Nunen in Grown Ups

Jonas Brothers

Life can be difficult sometimes, it gets bumpy. What with family and kids and things not going exactly like you planned. But that's what makes it interesting. In life the first act is always exciting. The second act... that is where the depth comes in.

Gloria Nunen in Grown Ups

Eric Lamonsoff: "Your dad has won over 50 games with that shot."
Greg Feder: "Really? Because that shot doesn't work on the Wii."
Eric Lamonsoff: "Well, you should Wii-turn that Wii and get yourself a Wii-fund. Tim Duncan has had over a hundred game winners with that shot."

Marcus Higgins in Grown Ups

Tim Duncan

I used to get 10 cases of beer for my parties. Now I get 10 cases of juice boxes.

Lenny Feder in Grown Ups - 2

Becky Feder: "Daddy! Where is it taking them?"
Marcus Higgins: "Hell."
Lenny Feder: "Higgins. Don't say that."
Marcus Higgins: "Oh I'm sorry. Not Hell... Mexico."

Marcus Higgins in Grown Ups

Mexico

Hey Y, where's MCA?

Marcus Higgins in Grown Ups

In the 1950s in Columbia, South Carolina, it was considered OK for kids to play with weird things. We could go to the hardware store and buy 100 feet of dynamite fuse.

Kary Mullis

South Carolina 50s

There was very little art in my childhood. I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any art in South Carolina. There was a minor museum in Charleston, which had nothing of interest in it. It showed local artists, paintings of birds.

Jasper Johns

South Carolina

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to South Carolina - and that's pretty much the same thing.

South Carolina

Michael: "You will be thin. You won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore. You will find love."
Kevin: "Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now."
Michael: "Don't be. You should never settle for who you are."

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 7 Episode 22

Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 7 Episode 16

Romeo and Juliet

Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike. I had those extra wheels on the back that support you.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 7 Episode 5

Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

Jim Halpert in The Office - Season 7 Episode 16

Shower

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 6 Episode 25

Toby Flenderson

You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 6 Episode 9

Dear Boys, be the type of guy you want your daughter to be with.

Daughters Father & Daughter

Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent... leave that to me.

Eminem

Sex Violence Drugs

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

Bob Marley

Alcohol Drugs Marijuana & Weed

I feel like I've got feet firmly in different camps. Between the right of gun ownership and public safety.

Tim Walz

NRA

After all, I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

Anna Scott in Notting Hill

Valentine's Day Romantic Quotes Girls

Songs are as sad as the listener.

Jonathan Safran Foer in Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Music Sad Quotes

You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 12

Women Breakup

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Chris Rock

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