The best Quotes by Chris Pontius

They say Poland is the Mexico of Europe. I'm not sure of what that means, but I like it.

That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town.

Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them.

Concussions aren't great, but as long as you have them before you're 50, it's cool. And Knoxville's 49, so we're good.

Hi sweetie, I'm gonna inseminate you artificially... maybe for real if you play your cards right.

I think I'm a little concussed.

You don't matter... in fact, in about 20 seconds you're not even gonna be matter.

There's no such thing as a "pretty good" gator wrestler!

Bam Margera: "Oh, dude! My f*cking tailbone is seriously broken! I'm not even kidding!"
Ryan Dunn: "He broke his tailbone! That's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the point of having one?"

So, we've driven an hour north from Miami to Boca Raton, believe it or not, to film Steve-O jump into nine days worth of elephant poo.

Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that!

Now I know what it feels like to be my liver!

I'm seriously going to die right now.

Oh dude, you look like an egg with legs!

I'm sick of the whole pooping thing... I'm gonna go get my butt cheeks pierced together.

Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say, "f-" by the end of this movie.

Bam Margera: "Now these rocket skates are going to be a little different than the last."
Johnny Knoxville: "You using different bottle rockets?"
Bam Margera: "Nope. Just more of 'em."

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

Becky Feder: "Daddy! Where is it taking them?"
Marcus Higgins: "Hell."
Lenny Feder: "Higgins. Don't say that."
Marcus Higgins: "Oh I'm sorry. Not Hell... Mexico."

A tortilla is either corn or wheat. But a corn tortilla folded and filled is a taco, whereas a filled wheat tortilla is a burrito. Deep fry a burrito, it's a chimichanga. Toast a tortilla, it's a tostada. Roll it, it's an enchilada.

Domenico: "Baby, please calm down!"
Olga: "I can't calm down. I'm Polish!"

Massimo: "This is what you call a temper? How come you're not Italian?"
Laura: "How many Polish girls do you know?"
Massimo: "It looks like one is all I need to know."

Scott Potasnik: "You guys are gonna hate me an hour from now."
Johnny Knoxville: "We hate you already."

That had bad news written all over it!

Whose d do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?

It's like when your parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed." You know that hurt so much more.

I am so glad I turned this idea down!

Hi, I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.

Steve-O: "We wanted to see if you would run."
Ryan Dunn: "I'm not running anywhere with a toy car shoved up my butt."

I'm Raab Himself and I'm a complete f*cking idiot!

Johnny Knoxville: "Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom?"
Dave England: "No man. I shit my pants at the fair."

I conside skateboarding an art form, a lifestyle and a sport.

When you lose everything, that's when you're finally free.