The best Quotes by Charlie Sheen

Quotes about Charlie Sheen

You look at me, but you're not quite sure
Am I it or could you get more?
You learn cool from magazines
You learned love from Charlie Sheen

Jewel - Intuition, Album: 0304

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The damage has been done. All that's left to do now is drink until the part of the brain that creates mental pictures is dead.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 18

Alcohol

Alan: "What are you afraid off?"
Charlie: "I'm afraid I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'll be an only-child."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 15

Alan: "Charlie, there's a half naked woman in our kitchen!"
Charlie: "Which half?"

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 6

Kitchen Being naked

Alan: "Charlie, I need you to be my eyes and ears."
Charlie: "Okay, but you have to be my liver and prostate."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 2

Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 3

Alcohol Brain

Alan: "When a boy becomes a man - and that's what you're becoming - he has to start protecting the women in his life from certain things."
Charlie: "Like the truth."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 12

It doesn't matter if you win or loose, it's whether or not you beat the spread.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 5

Gambling

Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there?

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 4 Episode 22

Cars

Charlie: "You know who wrote that song? Your uncle Charlie wrote that!"
Jake: "No lie?"
Charlie: "Kid if I was gonna lie, it would've been 'Stairway To Heaven' and not 'The Maple-Loops-Song'."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 1

Dont worry, there's not enough blood left in my legs to go anywhere.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 1

Charlie: "With his grades, he might as well get used to pushing shopping carts around."
Alan: "Are you saying my son's gonna end up working in a supermarket?"
Charlie: "No, I'm saying he's probably gonna end up homeless."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 17

Women reject me for 100 different reasons. White teeth would reduce that to 99 problems.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 10 Episode 2

Teeth

Well, listen, just remember, that love will get u through times of no money better, than money will get you through times of no love.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 20

Alan: "Why don't you get a vasectomy?"
Charlie: "I've considered it. In fact, a couple of years ago I believe there was a petition circulating."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 24

Alan: "I feel sorry that your heart has become so hard and small, that you've lost the capacity to connect with another human being on any level any more meaningful, than the inebriated exchange of bodily fluids."
Charlie: "Boy, leave it to you to take a beautiful thing like drunken sex and make it sound dirty."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 16

Alan: "You can't stay here alone."
Jake: "Why not?"
Alan: "You know why not."
Jake: "But you don't have a turtle to put in the microwave anymore."

Jake Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 11

Turtles

Alan: "We judge a person by what's inside and not by what they wear."
Jake: "Lucky for you, huh?"

Jake Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 11

Charlie: "Don't cry, we can still be friends!"
Alan: "What?"
Charlie: "I'm sorry, it's the only thing I know to say when someone cries around here."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 3

Judith: "I'm very concerned, he's just a child. I don't know if he can deal with this."
Charlie: "Give your son some credit, he's an incredible kid."
Judith: "I was talking about you!"

Judith Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 3

Be sure to wear a condom, not everything stays in Vegas!

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 8

Las Vegas

I give you a hint: I didn't do the dog 'people-style'.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 8

Alan: "Look, if you feel so strongly about this girl, why don't you just call her?"
Charlie: "Yeah, sure, I could call her. I could also Fed-Ex her my testicles in a little silk bag."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men

I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday

Jewel - You Were Meant For Me, Album: Pieces of You

Well in case you failed to notice
In case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you
This is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

Jewel - Foolish Games, Album: Pieces of You

I enjoy hard work; I love setting goals and achieving them.

Jewel

Work

There can be no balance with a hand on the scale.

Swain, the Noxian Grand General in League of Legends

Neutrality

The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That's guaranteed.

Pat in Silver Linings

Life Breakup

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

Louis de Funès

Laughing & Smile

It's not about the absence of fear. It's overcoming it.

Emma Watson

Fear

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

Orson Welles

Men & Women

My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.

Anthony Hopkins

Self-Confidence Gossip & Rumors

My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.

Emilia Clarke

Books Reading

We think too much and feel too little.

Charlie Chaplin

Thinking Feelings & Emotions

If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?

Jackie Chan

Life Desire

One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.

Klaus Kinski

Failures & Mistakes

I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.

Bruce Willis

I dream of a day where I walk down the street and hear people talk about Morality, Sustainibility and Philoshophy instead of the Kardashians.

Keanu Reeves

The Kardashians

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

Al Pacino

Heart Eyes

I never thought I'd see in my life a black candidate running for President.

Samuel L. Jackson

Barack Obama 2008

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see. But you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

Johnny Depp

Heart Feelings & Emotions Seeing

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Charlie Sheen

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