Quote by Charlie Harper (about Alcohol, Brain)

Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 3

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The damage has been done. All that's left to do now is drink until the part of the brain that creates mental pictures is dead.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 18

Alcohol

Alan: "What are you afraid off?"
Charlie: "I'm afraid I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'll be an only-child."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 15

Alan: "Charlie, there's a half naked woman in our kitchen!"
Charlie: "Which half?"

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 6

Kitchen Being naked

Alan: "Charlie, I need you to be my eyes and ears."
Charlie: "Okay, but you have to be my liver and prostate."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 2

Alan: "When a boy becomes a man - and that's what you're becoming - he has to start protecting the women in his life from certain things."
Charlie: "Like the truth."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 12

It doesn't matter if you win or loose, it's whether or not you beat the spread.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 5

Gambling

Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there?

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 4 Episode 22

Cars

Charlie: "You know who wrote that song? Your uncle Charlie wrote that!"
Jake: "No lie?"
Charlie: "Kid if I was gonna lie, it would've been 'Stairway To Heaven' and not 'The Maple-Loops-Song'."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 1

Dont worry, there's not enough blood left in my legs to go anywhere.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 1

Charlie: "With his grades, he might as well get used to pushing shopping carts around."
Alan: "Are you saying my son's gonna end up working in a supermarket?"
Charlie: "No, I'm saying he's probably gonna end up homeless."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 17

Alan: "I feel sorry that your heart has become so hard and small, that you've lost the capacity to connect with another human being on any level any more meaningful, than the inebriated exchange of bodily fluids."
Charlie: "Boy, leave it to you to take a beautiful thing like drunken sex and make it sound dirty."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 16

Charlie: "Don't cry, we can still be friends!"
Alan: "What?"
Charlie: "I'm sorry, it's the only thing I know to say when someone cries around here."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 3

Feelings are like your mother's breasts. You know they're there, but they're better left unfelt.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men

Feelings & Emotions

You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... you guys look at me and you think it's easy.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 3

Why are you dating a woman who most likely lost her virginity during World War II? And knowing her, probably not to one of our guys.

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 9

Alan: "Why don't you get a vasectomy?"
Charlie: "I've considered it. In fact, a couple of years ago I believe there was a petition circulating."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 24

Alan: "Look, if you feel so strongly about this girl, why don't you just call her?"
Charlie: "Yeah, sure, I could call her. I could also Fed-Ex her my testicles in a little silk bag."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men

Charlie: "Alan, you're like an Alzheimer's victim in a wh*re-house."
Alan: "Excuse me?"
Charlie: "You're constantly surprised when you've been screwed - and you don't want to pay for it!"

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men

Jake: "Boy! Is your eye red."
Charlie: "You should see it from in here."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 1

Charlie: "Oh never again, never again."
Berta: "You gonna stop drinking?"
Charlie: "Are you crazy, I'm gonna stop waking up!"

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men

Alcohol

Jake: "It means 'sexually transmitted disease'."
Charlie: "I know what STD's are!"
Alan: "Your uncle helped invent them."
Jake: "You know, they can be prevented by using a condom."
Charlie: "I know we could have prevented you by using a condom. Now we gotta use a hammer."
Jake: "I don't understand."
Charlie: "Go get me a hammer, and I'll show you."
Jake: "Okay.' [walks out]
Charlie: "You must be so proud."
Jake: "Ballpeen or claw hammer?"
Alan: "Do me a favour. When he comes back, just do it."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 18

Alan: "I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me."
Charlie: "Wow, I lost 8000 dollar playing poker, I have no idea where my car is, threw up in my mouth three times, and I'm still having a better night than you are."

Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 13

I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man.

Charlie Sheen

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

Charlie Sheen

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen

You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

Charlie Sheen

Neutrality

Best way to not get your heart broken, is pretend to don't have one.

Charlie Sheen

Breakup

Women reject me for 100 different reasons. White teeth would reduce that to 99 problems.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 10 Episode 2

Teeth

Well, listen, just remember, that love will get u through times of no money better, than money will get you through times of no love.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 20

Alan: "You can't stay here alone."
Jake: "Why not?"
Alan: "You know why not."
Jake: "But you don't have a turtle to put in the microwave anymore."

Jake Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 11

Turtles

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 18

Alcohol Toasts

Everything's better with some wine in the belly.

Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones - Season 1 Episode 2

Alcohol Wine

They say we only use a fraction of our brain's true potential. Now that's when we're awake. When we're asleep, we can do almost anything.

Cobb in Inception

Mind & Apprehension Brain

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Alcohol Beer Brain

Walden: "Money does not buy happiness!"
Alan: "I wouldn't know, I never had either."

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 1

Be sure to wear a condom, not everything stays in Vegas!

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 9 Episode 8

Las Vegas

Alan: "We judge a person by what's inside and not by what they wear."
Jake: "Lucky for you, huh?"

Jake Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 11

Jake: "We had a surprise test today."
Alan: "And?"
Jake: "I was really surprised."

Jake Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 19

Surprises

Charlie: "Looks to be a beautiful day. Slightly overcast, but that should burn off in a few hours, leaving us with another sun-dappled afternoon in paradise."
Berta: "You still drunk from last night, or did you get a fresh buzz this morning?"

Berta in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 13

It's a shame, you paying all that money for an ex-wife and an ex-wife's house, and you're not allowed inside either one.

Berta in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 4

Ex Quotes

Judith: "I'm very concerned, he's just a child. I don't know if he can deal with this."
Charlie: "Give your son some credit, he's an incredible kid."
Judith: "I was talking about you!"

Judith Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 1 Episode 3

Quote by Charlie Harper (about Alcohol, Brain)

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