The best Quotes by Charlie Brooker

The best Quotes by Charlie Brooker

Charlton Brooker (born 3 March 1971) is an English television presenter, writer, producer and satirist. He is the creator and co-showrunner of the sci-fi drama anthology series Black Mirror, and has written for comedy series such as Brass Eye, The 11 O'Clock Show and Nathan Barley.

Nothing happens in cricket, ever. Even the highlights resemble a freeze frame.

Tinder is the ultimate gamification of romance. It's "Pokemon Go" for the heart.

Pokémon Tinder

Is hacking ever acceptable? It depends on the motive.

I've never lost that freelance mentality. You can't take a holiday because you're worried the work will dry up.

In the early '80s, the arcade game Pac-Man was twice as popular as oxygen.

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Video games 80s

If you're living in a dystopia, you don't necessarily want to look at another one.

If someone doesn't respond to a phone call, I think they've died.

Brexit is a harbinger for Trump, really.

Donald Trump Brexit

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One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

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Cells couldn't multiply without this, the IKEA instruction manual for life, DNA. DNA is tiny yet comlex, like Tom Cruise.

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Apparently, Islam can be a sensitive topic, and the producers say if I don't follow this script to the letter, there's a chance I'll cause a serious international incident.

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The European kings agreed and launched a sort of armed charity drive to forcibly provide the Islamic world with crucifixes. They called it "cruce-aid".

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The Dark Ages were a tragedy for human progress that put back the ollout of 5G by hundreds of years.

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If you were Christian back then, perhaps the worst place to find yourself was the Colosseum, an area of misery on a par with Birmingham.

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Whether or not they think he was the actual son of God who performed miracles like walking on wine or helping a deaf man see, they all agree he preached tolerance and forgiveness, a message so important his most ardent followers would eventually start killing anyone who didn't want to hear it.

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Thanks to the volcano we know every-day Romans had grey skin, were totally bald, and spent their time lying around inside their shockingly dusty houses.

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When most first think of the word "empire", we think of the big one: Star Wars! Or Rome. And this is history, so it's Rome.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Earth - Episode 1

Rome Quotes about Star Wars

Philosophy is basically thinking about thinking. Which sounds like a waste of time, because it is.

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The ancient Greeks invented lots of things we still have today, like medicine and olives. And lots of things that have died out, like democracy and pillars. They also developed culture in the form of yoghurt and theater in all its tedious forms.

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Emojis. Or as the ancient Egyptians who invented them called them: Hieroglyphics.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Earth - Episode 1

Emojis 😂😉😍

Writing changed the world. Suddenly ideas didn't have to disappear just because the person whose head they were trapped in had died.

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Having conquered numbers, humankind moved on to something even more boring: by inventing writing.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Earth - Episode 1

Writing Numbers

Know yourself, know your adversary, and you hold the key to victory.

Ash Ketchum in Pokémon - Season 1 Episode 7

7

It's more important to master the cards you're holding than to complain about the ones your opponent was dealt.

Astor in Pokémon - Black Edition

6

Oha! Somebody has chosen the wrong Pokemon.

Moderator in Pokémon - Pokémon Stadium (N64)

4

It's magic that brought us together. And that magic is called hope.

Pokémon - Detective Pikachu

3

I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life.

Mewtu in Pokémon - Der Film: Mewtu gegen Mew

2

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

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The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of Dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it!

Donald Trump - Juni 2025

If you're not guilty of a crime, what do you need immunity for? If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?

Donald Trump - September 2016

The Epstein Files

While Walz pretends to support Americans in the Heartland, when the cameras are off, he believes that rural America is "mostly cows and rocks". Walz is obsessed with spreading California's dangerously liberal agenda far and wide.

Donald Trump - August 2024

I am for electric cars. I have to be, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So, I have no choice.

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I don't watch cricket very much, but of course I enjoy whenever I see the sport, especially live, because of the energy in the stadium with the fans going crazy.

Nora Fatehi

I want to keep on adding new skills to my armoury.

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If you wanna spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date: "Oh, wow. That's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before."

Ronny Chieng in The Daily Show

Today is Spotify-Wrapped-Day. The day that Spotify looks at our music and reminds us that we're all a basic b*tch. Thank God, Tinder doesn't do a year-end wrap-up just to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made on desperate nights.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - December 2022

There are two kinds of big companies in the United States. There are those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those who don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.

James Comey

Without those hackers, we wouldn't solve the problems we need to solve, especially security.

Fred Durst - February 2005

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

7

Nerds Video games

Being human totally sucks most of the time. Videogames are the only thing that make life bearable.

Ernest Cline in Ready Player One

2

Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie.

Olive Penderghast in Easy A

7

Patrick Dempsey 80s Knights

Becky Feder: "How long ago was the '80s?"
Keithie Feder: "That was way back in the 1900s. We learned about it in school. It was wack. The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end. You had to watch commercials."

Grown Ups - 2

Brexit Analogy; We've all been on a night out with a mate who says, "it's shit here - let's go somewhere else." Then, when you leave, you realise he has no idea where to go and the place you left won't let you back in. The United Kingdom is standing in a kebab shop at 2 am, arguing about whose fault it is.

1

Brexit Doner Kebab

I deal with tough mathematical questions every day, but please don’t ask me to help with Brexit!

Stephen Hawking

1

There's no sense in going out of your way, just to get somebody to like you.

Ash Ketchum in Pokémon

2

Character Self-Confidence

Choose it or lose it!

Ash Ketchum in Pokémon

2

Ash: "He hasn't come up against somebody like me."
Misty: "He's getting a big head."
Brock: "Yeah, but his brain's still the same size."

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A Caterpie may change into a Butterfree, but the heart that beats inside remains the same.

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The Pokémon trainer's judgement is more important than anything else and unfortunately for you, the trainer has to have some brain.

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Gary: "Even your Pikachu feels sorry for you, Ash. I've never seen anyone so pathetic."
Misty: "Have you tried a mirror?"

Misty in Pokémon

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