Quote by Chandler Bing (Season 1 Episode 1)

Monica: "This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."
Chandler: "Sounds like a date to me."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 1

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Ross: "I could ask her to live with me. I mean, why not?"
Chandler: "Because you've only known her for six weeks. I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 4 Episode 19

Milk

Joey: "You're smoking again?"
Chandler: "Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm smoking still."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 3 Episode 17

Joey: "Some girl ate Monica."
Monica: "Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds!"
Chandler: "So how many cameras are actually on you?"

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 2 Episode 14

Joey: "My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral."
Chandler: "Joey... Switzerland?"

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 21

Neutrality Switzerland

Rachel: "I will see you and I'll raise you. Do you wanna waste another buck?"
Ross: "No, not this time. What did you have?"
Rachel: "I'm not telling."
Ross: "Come on, show them."
Rachel: "Get your hands out of there!"
Chandler: "I've had dates like this."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 18

Ross: "She's got to go back to London. But, you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together and then that's it."
Joey: "That's what all my relationships are like."
Chandler: "Yes, but in Ross' case, they both know in two weeks that's it."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 4 Episode 16

Phoebe: "For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience."
Chandler: "I don't think you can make that statement, unless you've been kicked in the area, God only meant to be treated nicely."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 3 Episode 16

Ross: "It's just that I don't think breast milk is for adults."
Chandler: "Although, the packaging does appeal to adults and kids alike."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 2 Episode 2

Boobs Milk

Chandler: "This piece of furniture was fine until your breakfast adventure with Angela Delveccio."
Joey: "You knew about that?"
Chandler: "The impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 12

Chandler's Mom: "Anything you want from Lisbon?"
Chandler: "Just knowing you're there is enough."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 11

"You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 3

Joey: "Pheebs, wanna help?"
Phoebe: "I wish I could, but I don't want to."

Phoebe Buffay in Friends - Season 1 Episode 1

Love lasts forever, you know? Nothing like it in this lifetime. Money in the bank.

Ross Geller in Friends - Season 3 Episode 17

Love

Phoebe: "I was the last to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in."
Joey: "What?"
Phoebe: "Oh, looks like I was second to last."

Phoebe Buffay in Friends - Season 1 Episode 7

Monica: "Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding."
Ross: "A 'no sex'-pact, huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America."

Ross Geller in Friends - Season 7 Episode 19

Alice Knight: "We were just at the drugstore, so we got you a little present."
Frank Buffay: "It's a lollipop and a home pregnancy test."
Monica: "Don't mix those up, you could really ruin that lollipop."

Monica Geller in Friends - Season 4 Episode 12

Nice try. You see, the Netherlands is this make-believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.

Joey Tribbiani in Friends - Season 3 Episode 9

Peter Pan Netherlands

Moo Point. It's like a cow's opinion, it just doesn't matter.

Joey Tribbiani in Friends - Season 7 Episode 8

Cows

Chandler: "Oh my God, those are my bedroom eyes? Why did you ever sleep with me?"
Monica: "Do you really want to pull at that thread?"

Monica Geller in Friends - Season 7 Episode 5

Chandler: "Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break?"
Ross: "What's the difference?"
Monica: "Well, a spring vacation you're doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break you're doing frat guys."

Monica Geller in Friends - Season 6 Episode 19

College Grandparents

Joey: "I'm having new headshows taken tomorrow,right? And the photographer said that she thinks I should have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?"
Phoebe: "Well, it depends."
Joey: "On?"
Phoebe: "On how far along he is in the sex change process."

Phoebe Buffay in Friends - Season 9 Episode 13

Joey: "Can you close that window, Chandler? My nipples could cut glass over here."
Phoebe: "Wait, really? 'Cause mine get me out of tickets."

Phoebe Buffay in Friends - Season 3 Episode 17

Phoebe: "It's not mine, I didn't earn it. If i kept it, it would be like stealing."
Rachel: "Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping."

Rachel Green in Friends - Season 1 Episode 3

Shopping

I'm sick of the lousy tips. I'm sick of being called 'Excuse Me'.

Rachel Green in Friends - Season 1 Episode 18

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

Quote by Chandler Bing (Season 1 Episode 1)

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