Quotes by Chandler Bing

Ross: "I could ask her to live with me. I mean, why not?"
Chandler: "Because you've only known her for six weeks. I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with."

Ross: "She's got to go back to London. But, you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together and then that's it."
Joey: "That's what all my relationships are like."
Chandler: "Yes, but in Ross' case, they both know in two weeks that's it."

Joey: "You're smoking again?"
Chandler: "Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm smoking still."

Phoebe: "For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience."
Chandler: "I don't think you can make that statement, unless you've been kicked in the area, God only meant to be treated nicely."

Joey: "Some girl ate Monica."
Monica: "Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds!"
Chandler: "So how many cameras are actually on you?"

Ross: "It's just that I don't think breast milk is for adults."
Chandler: "Although, the packaging does appeal to adults and kids alike."

Joey: "My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral."
Chandler: "Joey... Switzerland?"

Rachel: "I will see you and I'll raise you. Do you wanna waste another buck?"
Ross: "No, not this time. What did you have?"
Rachel: "I'm not telling."
Ross: "Come on, show them."
Rachel: "Get your hands out of there!"
Chandler: "I've had dates like this."

Chandler: "This piece of furniture was fine until your breakfast adventure with Angela Delveccio."
Joey: "You knew about that?"
Chandler: "The impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination."

Chandler's Mom: "Anything you want from Lisbon?"
Chandler: "Just knowing you're there is enough."

'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.

Monica: "This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."
Chandler: "Sounds like a date to me."