The best Quotes by Caroline Channing

Robbie: "I'm Robbie."
Caroline: "I'm uncomfortable. You're getting me wet."
Robbie: "That's the point."

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Listen, hit me with one more dead president and you'll be six feet under with Biggie and Tupac. You understand me, Jew-Tang Clan?

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 17

Max: "I kissed Johnny."
Caroline: "What? When?"
Max: "He came by the apartment right after you left."
Caroline: "I was only gone 20 minutes. What'd you do - shine a bat symbol on your v*gina?"

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9

Vaginas

I think it'd be better for everyone, including my immune system, if I just keep on wearing what I'm wearing and not the apron, 'cause this is Chanel.

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Chanel

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Twitter is stupid and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 2 Episode 2

Instagram X / Twitter

Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

Han Lee: "Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?"
Max: "Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 11

Instagram Hipster

Max: "Hi, ready to order?"
Guest: "Do you have anything that's really special?"
Max: "Not according to my high school guidance counselor."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

High School

Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21

Religion

Max: "Earl, can you break some 20s? The big spenders at table two wanna split their $11 check three ways - even though one person did all the eating."
Earl: "I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened."

Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

Earl: "Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?"
Max: "I got you pregnant?"
Earl: "Come on, bad, bad."
Max: "I got you pregnant again?"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4

That girl is workin' harder than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks.

Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Stephen Hawking

Max: "How old are you gonna be?"
Earl: "75"
Max: "Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger..."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Boobs

I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of Coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my v-gina.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Coldplay

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 10

Kim Kardashian Thanksgiving

Caroline: "I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later."
Max: "Well, according to my research most men come sooner."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

This neighborhood is definitely on the rise. I remember a time when a black man couldn't get a cab around here. And that time was Wednesday.

Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

Han Lee: "Hipsters like karaoke!"
Max: "Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4

Adolf Hitler Hipster Karaoke

Caroline: "No need to yell, he's a champion."
Max: "Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard."
Caroline: "That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn."
Max: "Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

Brooklyn

Caroline: "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"
Max: "He had these muscle thingies."
Caroline: "Oh, those things?"
Max: "Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Muscles

Han Lee: "Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty."
Max: "What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 8

You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sl-ts!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21

New Jersey

Han Lee: "Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude."
Max: "There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

Oleg: "If I knew we were gonna have staff meetings after work, I would've taken job at T.G.I. Friday instead. Over there, they roll fast and loose."
Han Lee: "Well, this is how I roll."
Max: "Yeah, short and slow."
Han Lee: "No, I roll fast and furious... Tokyo Drift style."

Han Lee in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

Fast and Furious

Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9

Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack wh*res. But then he took it over and ruined it.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Guest: "Excuse me, where is my waitress?"
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: "She's coming."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Frank: "Why you gotta be such an asshole?"
Lip: "Apple fell where you dropped it."

Phillip Gallagher in Shameless - Season 2 Episode 4

Vaginas

V: "You always pick p*ssies!"
Fiona: "Well, they are what they eat."

Fiona Gallagher in Shameless - Season 2 Episode 4

Vaginas

Everyone is shaving their p*ssy. And hipsters these days have beards. So society has the same amount of hair, just on different c*nts.

Jimmy Carr

Hipster Vaginas

Santa can't always give a child what they want. 'Cause the child will grow up, become an adult, and realize that a Chanel bag costs a month's wage for most people. Which is the result of just a few people having far too much money.

Alex - The Santa in Julestorm - A Storm for Christmas - Season 1 Episode 2

Santa Claus Chanel

The best color in the whole world is the one that looks good on you.

Coco Chanel

Fashion Chanel

A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future.

Coco Chanel

Perfume Chanel

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Caroline Channing

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