The best Quotes by Carl Winslow

Lt. Murtaugh: "They're sending in that Urkel kid."
Carl Winslow: "What? We've got cheerleaders taller than him."

Family Matters

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Danger's my middle name. Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Time to count our Christmas cards. One... now, let's read it!

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

I can't help it, Laura. I'm drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame. A bee to a blossom. A mouse to cheese.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Eddie: "Urkel, why don't you ever knock?"
Steve Urkel: "Well, if I did, nobody would ever let me in."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Laura: "Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met!"
Steve Urkel: "You heard her, you're all witnesses. She actually said, 'Human Being'. She's mine!"

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Laura: "How long have we known each other?"
Steve Urkel: "Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds... fifteen seconds... sixteen seconds."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

I know I'm not worthy of you. But I just can't help loving you. It's like wanting to touch a star - you know you'll never reach it, but you just gotta keep trying.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters - Season 2 Episode 3

Desire Breakup Love declerations

Edward: "I still got a chance, it's between me and two other guys. They're better with the hose, but I'm the smartest."
Laura: "And they find their way to work every morning?"

Laura Winslow in Family Matters - Season 1 Episode 15

Laura: Forget it, Steve, I don't even have time to be mean!"
Steve Urkel: "Great, maybe I'll stay a while."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters - Season 1 Episode 14

Carl, you don't cook, you burn. You burn eggs, you burn toast, you're the only man I know who burns Jell-O.

Harriette Winslow in Family Matters - Season 1 Episode 14

Laura: "Hide-and-seek, that's it."
Steve Urkel: "Oh, great, my parents play this with me all the time. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters - Season 1 Episode 14

Edward: "That's it. I've had it with that dog."
Harriette: "What happened?"
Edward: "Look what he did to my algebra homework!"
Harriette: "Tell your teacher your dog ate it."
Edward: "I can't, I used that excuse before we got the dog."

Edward Winslow in Family Matters - Season 1 Episode 13

Steve Urkel: "Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Did you think of me while you guys were camping?"
Laura Winslow: "Yeah, every time I used the bug spray."

Laura Winslow in Family Matters

Estelle Winslow: "Steve, how did you get so good at checkers?"
Steve Urkel: "Practice. Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Laura: "Where did you get the money for this?"
Steve Urkel: "From my stay-away fund. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Clarence: "Yo, you a serious little nerd."
Steve Urkel: "No, I AM a serious little nerd. You see, I use verbs. Verbs are our friends. They help move along our sentences."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Grammar

Well, look at his poor, pathetic face. He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Richard Simmons

Laura: "Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that."
Steve Urkel: "Oh, I understand."
Laura: "You did good."
Steve Urkel: "You love me, don't you?"

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Chicago, lock up your daughters! Mt. Urkel is about to erupt.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Daughters One-Liners

Steve Urkel: "I've taken a vow of chastity."
Carl: "Steve, you've always been chaste."
Steve Urkel: "Yeah, but now I have an excuse."

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

I've got an Uncle Dirk Urkel who was blessed with a two-foot long nose hair. Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks.

Steve Urkel in Family Matters

Judy Winslow: "Mom, when's dinner? We're starved."
Harriette: "Soon, baby. Your dad's runnin' late."
Laura: "Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke!"

Laura Winslow in Family Matters

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Carl Winslow

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