The best Quotes by Carl Reiner

Everybody wants to laugh - you know that. They need to laugh... people need to laugh.

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed.

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

A fellow who has a funny bone can learn to hone his skills, but I don't think you can develop a funny bone - you either have it or you don't. And by the way - when you get it, we don't know it.

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?

We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.

Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

My son Jack once said to me, "Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?"
I said, "I don't care as long as they're laughing."

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Stop that! I'm your boss...- uhm: husband!

Think of something nice... think of me!

It's not about the absence of fear. It's overcoming it.

What gets scary is when your self-worth is tied up in what strangers think of you.

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

Create your own visual style... let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.

I don't know what acting is, but I enjoy it.

My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.

I came out of my mum's stomach going, "I want to be an actor!"

We think too much and feel too little.

I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.

If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?

Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person's life.

One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.

I only drink with people I like. When meeting people I don't like, I drink right before.

I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.

Hair loss is God's way of telling me I'm human.

I dream of a day where I walk down the street and hear people talk about Morality, Sustainibility and Philoshophy instead of the Kardashians.

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

Vanity is my favourite sin.

I never thought I'd see in my life a black candidate running for President.

Anyone who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see. But you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.