The best Quotes from Californication

Becca: "My heart hurts."
Hank: "Oh, god, baby. Mine, too. Is it boy trouble? Me too. Well, girl trouble. You want to talk about it?"
Becca: "No. I just want to know when it stops hurting."
Hank: "Well, here's the deal, and you're not gonna want to hear this, so it's gonna sound like piss-poor parenting, but if you're lucky, never."

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 5

Breakup

Dear Karen,
if you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it. So, good for me. You don't know me very well, but if you get me started, I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this... this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write.

There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I met someone. It was an accident. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't on the make. It was a perfect storm. She said one thing. I said another. Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.

Now there's this feeling in my gut. She might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile. A great deal of maintenance required. She is you, Karen. That's the good news. The bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. And that scares the shit out of me. Because if I'm not with you right now, I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment... the moment that could've changed everything.

I don't know what's going on with us and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me... but, damn, you smell good, like home. And you make excellent coffee. That's got to count for something, right?

Call me.

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

Hank Moody - Season 2 Episode 10

Love Moments

I don't like the drugs, doc. The drugs like me.

Hank Moody - Season 4 Episode 3

Drugs

You can't snort a line of coke off a woman's ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 8

Cocaine Gentleman

Cities don't change people. People don't even change people. We are who we are.

Hank Moody

Hank: "A blowjob from you?"
Girl: "Well, something tells me, it's not gonna suck itself, Hank."

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 1

Space may be the final frontier
But it's made in a Hollywood basement
And Cobain, can you hear the spheres
Singing songs off Station to Station?
And Alderaan's not far away, it's Californication

Red Hot Chili Peppers

It's the edge of the world
And all of Western civilization
The sun may rise in the east
At least it's settled in a final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication

Red Hot Chili Peppers

California

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I’ve got to take it on the otherside

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside

To my dear beautiful daughter,

I'm writing you a letter. That's right, a good old-fashioned letter. It's a lost art, really. I have a confession to make. I didn't like you very much at first. You were just this annoying, little blob. You smelled nice. Most of the time. But you didn't seem to have much interest in me. Which I, of course, found vaguely insulting.

It was just you and your mom against the world... funny how some things never change. So I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed. I just know that it did.

One minute I was impenetrable. Nothing could touch me. The next, my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it's been almost too much to bear. As your father, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world, never realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most.

When I flash forward, my heart breaks. Mostly because I can't imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride. How could you? Your father is a child in a man's body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change. Something has to give. It's getting dark... too dark to see.

Hank Moody - Season 4 Episode 2

Fathers

I'm telling you that no amount of top-shelf pussy can compete with the love of a good woman.

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 10

Vaginas

It's not whether you win or you lose, it's how you play the game.

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 1

Soft spoken with a broken jaw
Step outside but not to brawl and
Autumn's sweet we call it fall
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl and

With the birds I'll share this lonely viewin'

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue

In my absence, your whole life has become this sexual playground.

Hank Moody

He's an a-shole, and I hate his stinking guts right now, but that doesn't mean I don't love him.

Becca Moody

They fucking love you to pieces, you dumbshit. We all do. You just have trouble loving yourself.

Marcy Runkle

What's the move here? Good cop, bad cop, bald cop?

Hank Moody

Hank: "You know, I know I say this too much. All the time, probably, but... I was wrong to do what I did and I was wrong to be so glib about trying to fix it."
Becca: "There is no right or wrong, Dad. Just the consequences of your actions. You taught me that."

Becca Moody - Season 2 Episode 7

You have extremely moist lips. They're like kissable cupcakes. It's as if Sprinkles and Crumbs got together, made sweet love, and had these delicious little smoochable cupcake babies.

Hank Moody

Kissing

Boy: "Seriously, if you sit here, people are gonna think you're weird."
Becca: "How unfortunate. And here I was, planning to run for prom-queen."

Becca Moody - Season 2 Episode 3

Once upon a time, I wrote a book. People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another and one after that. That's when Hollywood came knocking at my back door. As soon as I cashed that check, I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection that is the film industry and sucked hard. Just like a good wh-re should.

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 3

People... they don't write anymore - they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.

Hank Moody - Season 1 Episode 5

Internet Grammar

The best Quotes from Californication

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