Quotes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.

Peralta: "I'm just gonna grab a healthy breakfast."
Holt: "Are those gummybears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?"
Peralta: "Breakfast-Burrito... but, yeah."
Holt: "I pity your dentist."
Peralta: "Joke's on you, I don't have a dentist!"

Raymond: "Here are two pictures. One is your locker, the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?"
Jacob: "That one's the dump?"
Raymond: "They're both your locker!"

Guy: "I'm super glad you guys are here right now. Are you smelling that weed smell? 'Cause a dude broke in, smoked weed and bolted."
Jacob: "Do you think it's the same dude that left that bong there on the floor?"

Raymond: "Everyone! I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Ray Holt."
Amy: "Speech!"
Raymond: "That was my speech."

Wuntch: "Hello Raymond, how do you like my new office? Twentieth floor."
Raymond: "Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you."

She's a devil and you don't dance with the devil, because you get burned. Also because in Madeline's case, she has no rhythm and her hands are like little rat claws.

Wuntch: "Sticks and Stones, Raymond."
Raymond: "Describing your breakfast?"