Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!“Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.Barney: "I cannot stop staring at that girl's face."
Ted: "Face, huh? That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet."A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.Summer: "Did you just look at my boobs? You should look at my face."
Matt: "I'm trying but it's so close to your boobs."Boobs give us many useful things. Boobs give us milk, cheese... breasts nourish our young until the age where we can go out and hunt for them.Just a little life-hack for women: If you don't want men to stare at your breasts - eat a banana!
Sal: "Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic."
Pepper: "How does she breastfeed him if she doesn't let him near plastic?"Being a billionaire, when you walk into a room, it's like being a woman with a perfect set of tits.Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.Ross: "It's just that I don't think breast milk is for adults."
Chandler: "Although, the packaging does appeal to adults and kids alike."Evan: "I heard she got breast reduction surgery."
Seth: "What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift."Stella: "Ted, you're staring at my breasts."
Ted: "In fairness... they were staring at me."Barney: "I met a girl last night. So perky and full of life and not at all fake."
Ted: "You're talking about her boobs, right?"
Barney: "Si. And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?!"Where some choose to look at this bra half-empty, I choose to look at this bra half-full.Ted, your throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob-shaped boobs!Barney: "Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better. Triple-threat: hotter and bigger boobs."
Ted: "That's only two?"
Barney: "Count again!"There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.Breast-feeding... hot!
When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so do I. 
