The best Quotes from Bob's Burgers

Bob: "Hey, no nagging my customers!"
Linda: "Don't you yell at my mother!"
Bob: "What's that, Nagatha Christie?"

I don't appreciate your lack of sarcasm.

Turns out dad's been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.

Sorry, I'm saving my spit and blood for my honeymoon.

Kissing is like a fight with lips.

Listen, you're my children and I love you, but you're all terrible at what you do here and I feel like I should tell you. I'd fire all of you if I could.

We'll test your meat. If it contains human flesh, anything above the four percent allowable by the FDA, then your restaurant will be closed.

Bob: "I can't even satisfy you with my kisses. Sorry, kids."
Gene: "No problem. Thanks for the info."

Bob: "He looks like a child molester. Louise, don't serve him. Let Gene bring it."
Gene: "Why do I have to get molested?"
Bob: "Because he's not gonna molest you."
Gene: "Why?"
Bob: "You're heavy."

Bob: "There's a line between entertaining and annoying."
Gene: "No! That's a myth."

Tina: "My crotch is itchy."
Bob: "Okay. Are you telling me as my daughter or as my grill cook? Because my grill cook would never tell me that."

Health Inspector: "Is this your parents' place?"
Louise: "Yes, they're down in the bas*ment grinding the meat right now. That's not a euphemism. They're actually grinding the meat."

There is no handbook about how a career is going to go.

I miss everything about Chicago - except January and February.

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

Dear Boys, be the type of guy you want your daughter to be with.

Charlie Brown: "We only live once, Snoopy."
Snoopy: "Wrong! We only die once. We live every day!"

Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy Alexa.

I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

What did you do, comb your hair with an eggbeater?

Averell: "I love exotic food! What do you call this delicious crust around the frijoles?"
Espuelas: "It's called a terracotta bowl, amigo."

Quagmire: "You got to help me. I'm looking for a little boy with red overalls and a yellow shirt."
French Man: "You are looking to buy or to rent?"
Quagmire: "What? No! God! How is Paris considered a classy city?"
French Man: "The buildings are beautiful, the people are trash."