The best Quotes by Bob Newhart

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.

Humor & Comedy

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

Children & Childhood Birthday Age

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

Laughing & Smile Marriage

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

Laughing & Smile

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Faith makes things turn out right.

Rufus in The Rescuers -

Bernard: "Are- are you hurt, sir?"
Orville: "Nope. One of my better landings, bud."

Orville in The Rescuers -

Now, look here, you two. If anyone found out that mice have moved in, I'd get kicked out, lose my job.

Rufus in The Rescuers -

Bernard: "Oh no. There are thirteen steps on this ramp."
Bianca: "Why don't you jump the last one?"

Bianca in The Rescuers -

Papa Elf: "Silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus."
Buddy: "What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?"
Papa Elf: "Well, there's a rumor floating around that the parents do it."

Papa Elf in Elf

Santa Claus

The code of Elves
1. Treat every day like Christmas
2. There's room for everyone on the nice list
3. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear

Elf

I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.

Buddy in Elf

Emily: "Did you sleep okay last night?"
Buddy: "Great! I got a full 40 minutes!"

Buddy in Elf

Buddy: "I thought the magical reindeer made the sleigh fly."
Papa Elf: "And where do the reindeer get their magic from?"
Buddy: "Christmas spirit. Everybody knows that."

Buddy in Elf

Reindeer

I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

Buddy in Elf

Leon: "At least you have a daddy. I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold."
Buddy: "But the thing is, I've never even left the North Pole."
Leon: "Buddy, I've been around the world many times when I was a young cumulus nimbus cloud. It's a wonderful place, filles with wondrous creatures - except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow!"

Leon the Snowman in Elf

Snowman

There are only three jobs available to an Elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps. You can bake cookies in a tree. As you can imagine, it's dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season. But the third job - some call it "the show", or "the big dance" - it's the profession that every elf aspires to, and that it to build toys in Santa's workshop.

Papa Elf in Elf

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups - candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Buddy in Elf

Sweets & Candy

What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells.

Eugene Dupree in Elf

Asparagus

Why are there so many Latina's in Illinois?
Because that's where the Chica go.

Chicago Illinois

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Illinois - and that's pretty much the same thing.

Illinois

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

Sam in Garden State

Laughing & Smile Humor & Comedy

He who can make people laugh has to be taken seriously; all people with power know that.

Werner Finck

Laughing & Smile Humor & Comedy Satire

My son Jack once said to me, "Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?"
I said, "I don't care as long as they're laughing."

Ozzy Osbourne

Laughing & Smile

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

Louis de Funès

Laughing & Smile

The future is easy because it doesn't exist; but the past is painful because it lives forever.

Fred Durst

Future Past

I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of heaven looking back at me.
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her.
I've gotta live with the choices I made and I can't live with myself today.

Skillet - Lucy, Album: Awake

Love Breakup Farewell & Goodbye Remorse

A child's voice, however honest and true, is meaningless to those who've forgotten how to listen.

Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Children & Childhood Hearing & Listening

All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in The Little Prince

Children & Childhood Birthday Age

You're never too old to be young.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Age

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Louis C. K. - 2017

Relationships Marriage

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Bob Newhart

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