The best Black Friday Quotes and Jokes 2024

Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday. It sucks!

Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year!

Black Friday: The day where people spend money they don't have for things they don't need.

Black Friday! Save 100% on everything - by not buying anything.

Black Friday? When I'm looking for crap again, I can just aswell re-install Tinder.

You may have heard of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. There's another day you might want to know about: Giving Tuesday. The idea is pretty straightforward. On the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, shoppers take a break from their gift-buying and donate what they can to charity.

Cyber Monday. Black Friday. Broke Tuesday.

What do Black Friday shoppers and Thanksgiving Turkeys have in common?
Both know how it feels to be stuffed and cramped in narrow spaces.

As Black Friday dawns, the shopping cart transforms into a racing car, and the wallet becomes a marathon runner. Discounts are haggled over like at an oriental bazaar. It's a dance of wallets, a carnival of consumption. May the bargain hunt make us as fit as our daily workouts!

In the depths of the retail storm, where discounts fall like shooting stars, may wisdom shine. Black Friday, a temple of consumption, calls for discernment in dealing with desires. Not in abundance but in sobriety, true abundance is found. Let each one examine what is truly of value.

There is a time in the last few days of summer when the ripeness of autumn fills the air.

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.

By all these lovely tokens September days are here, With summer's best of weather and autumn's best of cheer.

Aprils have never meant much to me, autumns seem that season of beginning.

Two sounds of autumn are unmistakable. The hurrying rustle of crisp leaves blown along the street by a gusty wind, and the gabble of a flock of migrating geese.

Autmn is spring time in reverse.

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.

The trees are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry,
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky.

Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first September was crisp and golden as an apple.

Fall has always been my favorite season. The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale.

I cannot endure to waste anything so precious as autumnal sunshine by staying in the house.

Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, time seems speeded up. What was is not and never again will be; what is is change.

There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky, which through the summer is not heard or seen, as if it could not be, as if it had not been!

I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet!

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shows can change your life.

Phoebe: "It's not mine, I didn't earn it. If i kept it, it would be like stealing."
Rachel: "Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping."

Sweetie, I just spent $395 on a pair of open-toed Gucci's last week. This is not the place to be frugal.

We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves.

Good clothing is a passport for happiness.

Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want.

Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.

I shop, therefore I am.

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

Occasionally I go shopping for clothes, but I find the whole thing a real chore.

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

I hate cleaning up around here. What's the point? It's just gonna get dirty again.

If you wanna spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date: "Oh, wow. That's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before."

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces people into thinking they can't lose.

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God.

Only the dead have seen the end of war.

When the time for Pentecost was fulfilled, they were all in one place together. And suddenly there came from the sky a noise like a strong driving wind, and it filled the entire house in which they were. Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. And they were all filled with the holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim.

For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.

My aim remains, if history approves, to unite our country.

Halloween. The one day of the year it's socially acceptable to play dress-up. The only question is, who do you want to be? There are costumes to make men feel like boys again. Or turn little girls into queens.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.