The best Quotes by Billy Crystal

Bambi, to a kid, was scary.

I still don't love the darkness, though I've learned to smile in it a little bit, now and then.

Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I'd always go off book and start improvising.

That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you’re looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it’s a new haircut. It’s got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look… Listen, I need a favor.

You're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it!

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.

There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends.

What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.

Everybody falls down. Getting back up is how you learn to walk.

The colder the winter,
the warmer the spring.
The deeper the sorrow,
the more our hearts sing.

Life is all about perspective.

Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example, you're walking along minding your own business, you're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of the sudden, you run smack into a pretty face. You begin to get weak in the knees, your head's in a whirl! And then you feel light as feather, and before you know it you're walking on air! And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop! And you completely lose your head!

Eating greens is a special treat. It makes long ears and great big feet.

I can't believe I am hosting the Oscars. It's an honor everyone else said no.

I want to let you know that there is a definitive blueprint that you can follow to achieve success, prosperity, longevity and peace of mind. I've followed it my whole career. It's very simple, just do these three things: pay your taxes, mind your business and keep Will Smith's wife's name out of your f*cking mouth!