The best Quotes by Billy Connolly

The best Quotes by Billy Connolly

Sir William Connolly CBE (born 24 November 1942) is a Scottish actor, retired comedian, artist, writer, musician, and television presenter. He is sometimes known by the Scots nickname the Big Yin ("the Big One"). Known for his idiosyncratic and often improvised observational comedy, frequently including strong language, Connolly has topped many UK polls as the greatest stand-up comedian of all time. In 2022 he received the BAFTA Fellowship for lifetime achievement from the British Academy of Film and Television Arts.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

1

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Switzerland Knifes

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

You might like these Quotes aswell

You can leave Glasgow, but it will never leave you.

Glasgow is a great city.

Nicola Sturgeon

One of the attributes Glasgow is best known for all over the world is the friendliness of her people.

Nicola Sturgeon

I loved going surfing down on Venice Beach. I'd go out with a board under my arm and think, "I can't do that in Cranhill."

Los Angeles Scotland Glasgow

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Glasgow - which is kinda the same.

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Ricky Gervais

The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and by Shakespeare. Neither knew chocolate. The Swiss are known for nonviolence. They are also known for superb chocolate.

Sandra Boynton

3

Chocolate Griechenland Switzerland

Threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, is like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes, or threatening the Swiss by saying there'll only be chocolate and Nazi gold.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Brexit II

1

France England & Great Britain Switzerland

Joey: "My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral."
Chandler: "Joey... Switzerland?"

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 1 Episode 21

1

Neutrality Switzerland

Never bring a knife to a sword fight. Unless it's concealed.

Wednesday Addams in Wednesday - Season 1 Episode 1

1

I've learned from Palpatine. I show you the stone in my hand, you miss the knife at your throat.

Mon Mothma in Star Wars: Andor - Season 1 Episode 7

Emperor Palpatine Knifes

The right word cuts more deeply than a knife.

Camille, the Steel Shadow in League of Legends

Cady: "Yeah, I like math."
Damian: "Eww. Why?"
Cady: "Because it's the same in every country."

Cady Heron in Mean Girls

The wheel allowed people to travel around, trading things. But first, they needed to count how many things they owned. And that led to the tragic invention of maths.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Earth - Episode 1

Remember those teachers from the 90s who told you that you wouldn't always have a calculator in your pocket in the future? I'd love to smack my smartphone into his face today!

Mathematics 90s Smartphones

But fame is a strange thing. Some men gain glory after they die, while others fade. What is admired in one generation is abhorred in another.

Madeline Miller in The Song of Achilles

4

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man

2

Fame New York City

Show business is like champagne. You'll appreciate it more if you don't drink it every day.

1

If you're a homeless, alcoholic Scott and you had tourettes... how would they ever know?

I'm fiercely proud to be Scottish.

Ewan McGregor

One good thing about rain in Scotland. Most of it ends up as scotch.

Peter Alliss

1

Scotland Whiskey

That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.

Sebastian Wilder in La La Land

1

Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.

Joe Goldberg in You - Season 2 Episode 2

1

I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.

Catherine O'Hara

1

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Louis C. K. - 2017

1

Relationships Marriage

A happy marriage doesn't mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you've chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.

Fawn Weaver

6

Relationships Perfection Marriage

Lucy, every marriage is a dance; complicated at times, lovely at times, most the time very uneventful. But with Mickey, there will be times when your dance will be on broken glass. There will be pain. And you will either flee that pain or hold tighter and dance through it to the next smooth place.

Ka Hancock in Dancing on Broken Glass

5

Relationships Marriage

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

Related pages to Billy Connolly

Quotes and Sayings about Switzerland

Switzerland

Mathematics

Fame

Los Angeles

The best Quotes and Sayings