The best Quotes by Bill Burr

The best Quotes by Bill Burr

William Frederick Burr (born June 10, 1968) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, filmmaker, and podcaster. He has released multiple stand-up comedy specials, including You People Are All the Same (2012), I'm Sorry You Feel That Way (2014), Walk Your Way Out (2017), and Paper Tiger (2019). He received a Grammy Award nomination for Paper Tiger, and a Primetime Emmy Award nomination for the dark comedy series Immoral Compass (2021–present).

Image: Netflix
If you wonder why society is going down the drain, take a look at people having children. Then, look at the people who you think would make good parents. That should tell you just about all you need to know.
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Professional soccer player, right? She goes on to ESPN and she starts b*tching, "I don't understand, how come female athletes don't make as much as male athletes?" And all of these men had to sit there and act, like they didn't know what the answer was.
Literally, I'm sitting at home, screaming at the TV, "because you don't sell any f*cking tickets! Nobody is going to women's soccer games."
McDonald's is the reason why I'm out of shape. I would have got a salad, but you didn't have the option. So I was like, well, I guess I got to get 52 BigMacs. Thanks a lot McDonald's!
Everything about Boston is unique. It isn't one thing. Boston is its own deal.

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It's a tough time, but these are the best years. Believe me.
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No animal wants to be locked up.
Leo in Leo
Squirtle: "All right, another year, another batch of fifth-grade headcases."
Leo: "Let's just get through it."
Teacher: "I hope everyone's met our class pets, Leonardo and Squirtle."
Kid 1: "I'm not touching those things."
Kid 2: "Don't they eat, sleep, and poo in the same place?"
Squirtle: "Hey! I poo where he sleeps."
You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.
Georgia Miller in Ginny & Georgia - Season 1 Episode 1
I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.
I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts.
The man in the White House is not the cause of what is broken, he is just the latest and most extreme symptom of what's gone wrong in America. A product of a rigged system that props up the rich and powerful and kicks dirt on everyone else.
Elizabeth Warren (as Senator of Massachusetts) - February 9, 2019
I went to Massachusetts to make a difference. I didn't go there to begin a political career running time and time again. I made a difference. I put in place the things I wanted to do.
Only a liberal senator from Massachusetts would say that a 49 percent increase in funding for education was not enough.
They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Massachusetts - and that's pretty much the same thing.
What's the argument here? NBA. WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
Dwight Schrute in The Office - Season 7 Episode 23
Many people act like women's football was a different sport. The girls play on a very high level. I saw them play during the summer European Championships and was thrilled.
Robin Gosens - September 2022
In order to get cheap accommodation in Australia, we like foreign people to do manual labour for us. Helping feed the cows is very important, they are the future of McDonald's.
Ozzy Man Reviews - Royal Tour [FEAT. Prince Harry and Meghan]
1
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."
Chef in South Park - Season 6 Episode 2
3
If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.
Perry Cox in Scrubs - Season 2 Episode 5
2
No one has ever been delighted to be in Boston in December. December? What are you excited about? "Oh, I love chapped lips and getting thrown up on by Patriots fans, how peachy."
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - December 2022
Welcome to Boston, where the weather is made up and the seasons don't matter.
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".
2
To never be sick can't be healthy.
F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.
Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
This is the end of Wladimir Putin.
Jan Böhmermann - February 2022
Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.
Jan Böhmermann (ZDF Magazin Royale) - vom 12.02.2021
People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.
Steve Harvey - February 2021
Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"
Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.
The only time you should look back in life is to see how far you have come.

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