The best Quotes from Between Two Ferns

Zach Galifianakis: "You played in a movie called The Hunger Games."
Jennifer Lawrence: "Yeah. Isn't that your life story?"
Zach Galifianakis: "You shouldn't say that. That's off-putting."
Jennifer Lawrence: "You should be off-pudding. Because you're fat."

Jennifer Lawrence

The Hunger Games Fat People

Zach Galifianakis: "What is it like to be the last black president?"
Barack Obama: "Seriously? What's it like for this to be the last time, you'll ever talk to a president?"

Barack Obama

Funny Politician Quotes

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If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Zach Galifianakis

Dessert

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

Zach Galifianakis

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

Zach Galifianakis

I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.

Zach Galifianakis

Food Restaurants

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

Zach Galifianakis

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

Zach Galifianakis

Ryan Gosling

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

Zach Galifianakis

Griechenland

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Zach Galifianakis

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name - and you've never been to that bar before.

Zach Galifianakis

Alcohol

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

Zach Galifianakis

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

Zach Galifianakis

I think those neighborhood signs that say "slow children playing" are mean.

Zach Galifianakis

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'

Zach Galifianakis

For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

Barack Obama

Change

When you fall, the real test is whether you can ignore the naysayers, pick yourself up and come back stronger.

Barack Obama - January 28, 2013 - Miami Heat visit the White House

Beginning

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

Change Motivation

Look at Berlin, where Germans and Americans learned to work together and trust each other less than three years after facing each other on the field of battle.

Barack Obama

Germany Berlin

To Michelle - my love and life's partner and Malia and Sasha - whose dazzling light makes everything brighter.

Barack Obama - A Promised Land

Michelle Obama Book Dedications & Preambles

Peeta: "If you die. And I live I'd have nothing. Nobody else that I care about. Nobody needs me."
Katniss: "I do. I need you!"

Peeta Mellark & Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games - Catching Fire

Katniss, when you're in the arena, remember who the real enemy is!

Haymitch Abernathy in The Hunger Games - Catching Fire

Here's some advice: Stay alive!

Haymitch Abernathy in The Hunger Games

If anybody even tries to whisper the word "diet," I'm like, "You can go f- yourself!"

Jennifer Lawrence

Reducing Weight

If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put pants on.

Jennifer Lawrence

Laziness Bed

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

Chef in South Park - Season 6 Episode 2

Fat People

These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.

Barack Obama - White House Correspondents' Dinner 2013

Funny Politician Quotes

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Money

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Kevin Hart

Gossip & Rumors

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

Spotify

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