The best Quotes from Baywatch

Summer: "Did you just look at my boobs? You should look at my face."
Matt: "I'm trying but it's so close to your boobs."

Mitch: "We've got a dead body on our beach."
Matt: "That's not our job."
Mitch: "My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there and my balls say we need to check it out."
Matt: "My balls say, 'let's just take it easy right here'."
Mitch: "What? Your balls sound like three-year-old girls."
Matt: "I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise."

You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails.

Summer Quinn: "Why does she always look like she's running in slow-mo?"
Ronnie Greenbaum: "You see it too?"
Summer Quinn: "And she always looks wet, but not too wet."
Ronnie Greenbaum: "Right? She's the reason I believe in God."

There's no I in team, but there is a me.

Matt Brody: "Hey, I'm Matt Brody!"
Summer Quinn: "And not a single f*ck was given..."

CJ: "You look amazing, by the way."
Victoria Leeds: "Well, someone has to."

I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns. Until then... I'm oceanic, motherf*cker.

Guys, after finding the drugs, helping save Chen and helping me blow up the bad girl with a Roman candle, it's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees.

I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers.

I was born of the sea. I eat fire coral and I piss salt water. I scratch my back with a whale's d-ck, and I loofah my chest with his b-llsack.

CJ: "What is it that you think we do here?"
Matt: "Prevent people from getting sun burnt and occasionally stop them from drowning."

Mitch: "Hey, One Direction. Are you here for the qualifier?"
Matt: "I'm Matt Brody, I don't have to try out. I've got two gold medals."

Welcome to Baywatch. Our team is the elite of the elite. We're the heart and soul of this very beach. We protect when other people don't want to protect, and we go above and beyond.

"Baywatch" sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going to buy a DVD. But really, you just kind of find out the categories of what's most foolish about these people. With Hasselhoff, it's obviously the huge man-t*ts with chest hair, probably a lot about his crappy acting, obviously the hamburger video - that's huge.

The 90s were a wonderful time,
A decade full of fun and crime.
The music was wild, the fashion bright,
A time of freedom, everyone's delight.

Eurodance beats drove us on,
Boybands and girlgroups, a phenomenon.
The disco ball spun to the beat,
Parties were hot, never discreet.

The movies were big, the series too,
Friends and Baywatch, a must-see view.
The phones were small, but we were cool,
Sending SMS, the latest tool.

The 90s, oh how lovely they were,
A decade we'll never forget, that's for sure.
The memories will always remain,
In our hearts, they'll never wane.

I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Check-Point Charlie.

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror.

My hair was so much a part of my personality and all my photo shoots. I hid behind my hair. And then, I just decided I was okay with myself. To have short hair and really show my face is even more revealing than anything. It's a statement - not to everyone else, more to myself. I'm just ready to get out from behind my hair and be myself.

Tattoos are like stories - they're symbolic of the important moments in your life. Sitting down, talking about where you got each tattoo and what it symbolizes, is really beautiful.

I am what I am and I'm a horrible liar. I can't do it. I'm just very candid.

If people knew how KFC treats its chickens, they'd never eat another drumstick.

That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.

Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.

I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.

Linda: "Why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?"
Lucifer: "The same reason as everyone else: the weather, p*rnstars, Mexican food."

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

The biggest difference from Hawaii and Alabama would probably be there's no beaches. But other than that, the people are very nice.

I grew up in Hawaii. My love of the natural world began here.

Hawaii is paradise. It sounds cheesy to say it, but there's music in the air there.

Hawaii is the only place I know where they lay flowers on you while you are alive.

In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring "Huckleberry Finn." Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.

When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something.

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics.

Everyone looks cool in the '90s.