Funny Quotes from the Bartimaeus Sequence

Funny Quotes from the Bartimaeus Sequence

The Bartimaeus Sequence is a series of young adult novels of alternate history, fantasy and magic. It was written by British writer Jonathan Stroud and consists of a trilogy published from 2003 to 2005 and a prequel novel published in 2010.

According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
"I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." (Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.)
Jonathan Stroud - 2: The Golem's Eye
He was transfixed at the sight of the lords and ladies of his realm running about like demented chickens.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
One magician demanded I show him an image of the love of his life. I rustled up a mirror.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
Despite his crimped shirts and flowing mane (or perhaps because of them) I had seen no evidence as yet that Nathaniel even knew what a girl was. If he'd ever met one, chances are they'd both have run screaming in opposite directions.
Jonathan Stroud - 2: The Golem's Eye
Ambition is all very well, my lad, but you must cloak it.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
A dozen more questions occurred to me. Not to mention twenty-two possible solutions to each one, sixteen resulting hypotheses and counter-theorems, eight abstract speculations, a quadrilateral equation, two axioms, and a limerick. That's raw intelligence for you.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
By now, in his mid to late teens, he might just about have passed for a man. When seen from behind. At a distance. On a very dark night.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
To my astonishment I saw him standing at a table with Kitty Jones. It was the Kitty Jones bit that was astonishing. Not the table. Though it was very nicely polished.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
"Have you a name?"
"A name?" I cried. "I have MANY names! I am Bartimaeus! I am Sakhr al-Jinni! I am N'gorso the Mighty and the Serpent of Silver Plumes!"
I paused dramatically. The young man looked blank. "Nope never heard of you. Now if you'll just-"
Jonathan Stroud - 2: The Golem's Eye
Hey, we've all got problems, chum. I'm overly talkative. You look like a field of buttercups in a suit.
Jonathan Stroud - 2: The Golem's Eye
Minor magicians take pains to fit this traditional wizardly bill. By contrast, the really powerful magicians take pleasure in looking like accountants.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
"Much has happened since last we met, Bartimaeus," he went on. "Do you remember how we parted?"
"No." I did.
"You set light to me, old friend. Struck a match and left me burning in a copse."
The crow shifted uneasily beneath the cleaver."That's a gesture of endearment in some cultures. Some hug, some kiss, some set each other on fire in small patches of woodland."
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
Jabor finally appeared at the top of the stairs, sparks of flame radiating from his body and igniting the fabric of the house around him. He caught sight of the boy, reached out his hand and stepped forward.
And banged his head nicely on the low-slung attic door.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
Burned and squashed to death in a silver vat of soup. There must be worse ways to go. But not many.
Jonathan Stroud - 3: Ptolemy's Gate
I had a chance at him now. Things were a bit more even. He knew my name, I knew his. He had six years' experience, I had five thousand and ten. That was the kind of odds that you could do something with.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.
Jonathan Stroud - 1: The Amulet of Samarkand
"I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered."
"What! How long has it been?"
"Five minutes. I got bored."
Jonathan Stroud - 2: The Golem's Eye