The best Quotes by Barney Stinson (Page 4)

The best Quotes by Barney Stinson (Page 4)

Barney Stinson is one of the five main characters from the How I Met Your Mother series and well-known for his legendary quotes. Barney Stinson is acted by Neil Patrick Harris, who was awarded several prizes for the role.

I guess, if we're splitting hairs, then technically... there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex-having-purposes.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 2
Ted, your throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob-shaped boobs!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 18
I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on...
How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 5
Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favourite, is six hours in: You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 12
Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 12
There's kids playing hockey in the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!
Dude, ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in the Pharma-Girl-Free-For-All. Side effects may include: loss of clothing, rug burns, shortness of breath and soar abdominals the next morning. What in the world is up!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 16
Lily: "We're going to Atlantic City to elope - right now!"
Barney: "Oh, congratulations Lily! Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell?"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 8
Whats your prescription, Dr. Estrogen? Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch "Love... actually" until your periods sync up?
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 1
Know what time it is? It's do-o-clock, lets ride!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 10
"Crutch down and bend over a little bit."
Barney: "Wow, It took five shots of tequila to have you in that position."
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 22
Talking to a woman that you have already had sex with, is like changing the oil on a rental car!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 14
Barney: "This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30."
Ted: "Sleep with a prostitute?!"
Barney: "No, lose your virginity!... What up?"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 19
Think about it, this is perfect.
a) It'll make Robin insanly jealous
b) You get to have sex with her
c) Maybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that cortisens are people too
and d) B! All night long!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 19
Barney: "Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better. Triple-threat: hotter and bigger boobs."
Ted: "That's only two?"
Barney: "Count again!"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 19
Sorry buddy, wish I could help you, but my hands are tied. Oh no wait, that was last night!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 13
Very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may choose to turn your back on her, I choose... to turn my front on her. What up!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 11
It's the greatest samurai, who lets his sword rust in its scabbard.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 17
Ted, you know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. Why? Because new is always better.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 5
This is my lucky St. Paddys Day suit. I have dry-cleaned many stain out of this baby.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 12
The World is going to come to an end tonight. Yes think about it. End of the World, Nostradamus, Notre Dame, Fighting Irish, Irish, St. Patrick's Day. This is it Bro. Bro-calypse Now... Bro-Mageddon.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 12
Marshall: "What the hell happened?"
Barney: "I said no questions asked."
Marshall: "Star, clover, horseshoe... Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?"
Barney: "No questions asked! Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare."
How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 7
That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 10
Barney: "He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever!"
Lily: "He's exactly like Barney."
Barney: "That's what I just said."
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 10
Oh man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun!
[to Lily, Robin, Ted and Marshall] Huh... yes, offense!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 10
Don't knock long-distance relationships, I really think they can work. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark. And Kelly on 34th street. The last thinks I'm a humble sheep-shearer from Kelani.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 16
There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.
Ladys and Gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's top 10 list. The category: Top 10 things i would have called my truck...
Number 10 - 'The Winne-Bango'.
Number 9 - 'The Pick-Up Truck'.
Number 8 - 'The Ford Explore Her'.
Number 7 - 'The You Scream Truck'. You Scream.
Number 6 - 'Feels on Wheels!'. Hello!
Number 5 - 'The Ride Her Truck'.
Number 4 - 'The 18-Squeeler'.
Number 3 - 'The Esca-Laid'. Ih-ih-ih!
Number 2 - 'The Slam-Boney'.
Aaand the number 1 thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back...
'The '69 Chevy'!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 18
Airport bar! Flight attendants, they'll get your tray table in it's full upright position. Say what?
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 3
Woman: "How can you not remember my name? it rhymes with your name?"
Barney: "And I said my name was...?"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 20
Here's the thing about me and tools: The only one I know how to use, is attached to me. And I'm not gonna try putting it in a TV... again.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 19
She had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 17
February 13th. A magical night, where a ten has the self esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 16
I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 3
One of the 24 similarities between women and fish are they're both attracted to shiny objects.
I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak "I-never-get-laid".
How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 21
There is a 83% correlation between times when men are wearing a boutonniere and when they are getting laid... proms, weddings, funerals... thanks for the redhead, grandma! By the way, did you know that "boutonniere" is french for "booty is near"?
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 9
She really had a fat but: her fat butt!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 4
Breast-feeding... hot!
When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so do I.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 11
You lie to your husband all the time...
"That shirt looks great on you."
"I love your mom."
"I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it."
Sound familiar, Pinocchio?
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 11
Lily: "Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed: Rule number one..."
Barney: "Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude!"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 11
Lily: "I'm pregnant."
Barney: "I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry - force of habit, congratulations!"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 12
Marshall: "You're really telling me, that when you watch 'The Karate Kid', you don't root for Daniel-san?"
Barney: "Nope."
Ted: "Who do you root for in 'Die Hard'?"
Barney: "Hans Gruber. Charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character."
Lily: "Okay, 'The Breakfast Club'?"
Barney: "The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit."
Robin: "I got one. 'Terminator'."
Barney: "What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end, and he didn't get to kill these people?"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 15
Never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her of babies.
He has got to go. You need to be like:
You are the weakest link goodbye!
Punchy, the tribe has spoken.
Please pack up your knives and go.
Your work of art, didn't work for me.
You're times up.
I have to ask you to leave the mansion.
You must leave the chateau.
Your tour ends here.
You've been chopped!
You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Your desert just didn't measure up.
Sashay away!
Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen!
You did not get a rose.
You have been eliminated from the race.
You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
You're fired.
Auf Wiedersehen.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 9
Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front.
Oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a "what up?"-quake!
How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 23
Barney: "I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: Post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and of course - wait for it - 'cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares."
Ted: "Why are you smoking right now?"
Barney: "I'm always pre-coital, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 11
Ted: "She was 15?!"
Barney: "No. A 15. Like in blackjack."
Ted: "As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?"
Barney: "Exactly!"
How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 19
Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 14

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