The best Quotes by Barney Stinson

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 1

Love declerations

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 18

Love declerations

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 1

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 6

Love Love declerations

Barney: "Ted what is my one rule?"
Ted: "You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Flax seed relieves upset stomach?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there."
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "New is always better?"
Barney: "New is always better!"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 18

Ted: "My mother is not one-night-stand material!"
Barney: "Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

Seven years ago when Marshall and Lily got engaged Ted saw Robin across a crowded room and I said 'oh yeah you just know she likes it dirty', but Ted really liked her, so we played 'Have You met Ted?' They went to dinner, he walked her home, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
So he stole the Smurf penis, went back to her place, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof but decided to be friends - lame.
Then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria. Didn't kiss her either - lame.
Not a great closer Ted. Then he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany. Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin. Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil came back with a Latin stud.
Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning it as much as possible. I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up... Robin and I started dating and I got fat, her hair fell out, we broke up. Robin dated Don, I dated Nora. I cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora. Robin dated Kevin but not for long and then I met you and you took my Grandpa's watch, but I fell in love with you anyway and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said 'yes', so we came over here to meet little Marvin and that's everything. Also I went on the Price Is Right and I won a dune buggy.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 1

Barney: "Let me choose your child's middle name! Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I said I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "No, the middle name is 'Wait For It'. Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, 'Barney'. He'd be Barney 'Wait For It' Eriksen. How awesome is that?"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

Ted: "Barney! I'm allowed to miss them, okay? They're my two best friends."
Barney: "I'm your two best friends!"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 14

Robin: "I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?"
Barney: "I guess cause you're almost as messed up as I am."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 10

Seriously. Jesus started the whole 'wait three days'-thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, 'Hey Jesus, what up?' and Jesus would probably be like, 'What up? I died yesterday!' and then they'd be all, 'Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude...' and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be like 'Uh okay, whatever you say, bro.'
And he's not gonna come back on a saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' their beards. No, he waits the exact right number of days: three! Plus it's sunday, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there 'Oh no, Jesus is dead', then bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 21

Think of me as Yoda - only, instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 5

Master Yoda Suits

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 24

Love declerations

Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 12

William Shatner Leonard Cohen Pamela Anderson Neil Young Canada

Barney: "Fine, we'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner. Maybe at a French restaurant, I know just the place."
Robin: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
Barney: "La Sertag."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 12

I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 10

You know, it's funny. Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 18

Neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!"
Because it really will be good to see you.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 8

Airport Security: "How did you get that through the X-Ray machine?"
Barney: "No questions from the audience, please!"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 24

This guy he's done everything right. He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old. There are only a few truly great people on this planet and he is one of them.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

There's something that I need to ask you and I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top?

How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 2

Carrot Top

Ted: "Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup."
Lily: "Half the length of the relationship."
Marshall: "One week for every month you were together."
Robin: "Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes."
Barney: "You can't measure something like this in time. There's a series of steps: From her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there.... next!"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 9

Breakup

I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. 'Der Bro Code' is, like, huge in Germany.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 4

The Bro Code

Lily Aldrin: "Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer."
Barney Stinson: "Finally we get around to the real reason he hired you. Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod. There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam, it just looks sloppy."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 21

Look, if Michael Jordan's healthy, you don't let Scottie Pippen run the offense. Oh, you're from Canada, right. If Wayne Gretzky's healthy, you don't let François... what I'm saying is: hockey is stupid and I'm point guy!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

Michael Jordan Wayne Gretzky Scottie Pippen Canada Hockey

Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 6

Leonardo DiCaprio

The last play you'll ever run.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 11

Come on Ted, it's 2012. What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore? None of those things exist anymore!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Newspapers 2012

Are you aware, that breaking a broath can have deadly- even fatal repercussions?

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 19

The boobs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
The boobs on the bus go up and down, all through the town

How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 4

Oh, come on. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 19

Barney: "How's the single life?"
Ted: "I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low."
Barney: "Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty-nine?"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

You give me one hour of phone-free bro time, during which we, and by we I mean you, get magnificently, mythologically drunk. I'm talking needing-subtitles-when-you-speak drunk.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Quinn: "What is an executive strategy coordinator?"
Barney: "It's three corporate-sounding words which, when added together, equal a fake job for which you get a real paycheck."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Marshall: "Lily dream-banged someone we know."
Barney: "Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed. The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife."
Marshall: "That movie only came out two years ago."
Barney: "What movie?"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 21

Inception

If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would've been a feature about it in Details magazine.

How I Met Your Mother

For the first time in my life, I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl. No matter how many boobs she has.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20

Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20

Boobs

I'm KFC baby - you don't mess with the Colonel's recipe!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20

KFC

Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even goin' to make a joke about "filling her in"... which I did three times last night. Self-five!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 19

Ted: "In a city of eight million people, you happened to walk into the club where she works? Maybe it's destiny."
Barney: "No, Destiny strips at 'The Melon Patch'. They're people, Ted. Try to keep them straight!"

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 18

Ted: "Oh, screw 'The One'!"
Barney: "What?"
Ted: "Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee. Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. So... all aboard!"
Barney: "I have never been more proud of you."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 16

Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now... Dary!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 14

Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo. There's the "Father Knows Breast", there's the "Bush Dynasty", the "Lick Father, Lick Son".

How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 19

You could help a friend, but instead you're choosing the hot girl in the tight tank-top. Your training is complete, I'm so proud of this kid!

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 9

Judy: "Who got Cousin Daphne drunk? She is 15 years old."
Robin: "Whoa, they grow big out here."
Barney: "And here's your phone number back."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 14

Ted: "Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard."
Barney: "Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 10

Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, but it's all downhill from here.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 1

Milk

Quotes about Barney Stinson

Barney: "On your tombstone, it will be, 'Lily Aldrin. Caring wife. Loving friend. Slapbet-Commissioner.'"
Marshall: "And your tombstone will read, 'Got slapped by Marhsall so hard he died.'"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 9

Lily Aldrin

Ted: "Where does this girl live?"
Robin: "We're talking about a woman who's gotten Barney to commit. I'm guessing Narnia."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 15

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It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 3

Breakup Beginning

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

Love

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

Memories Past

I have a very large forehead. I have a pronounced skull. Maybe producers think that there is a lot going on up in there.

Neil Patrick Harris

I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. I choose a mortal life.

Arwen in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - to Aragorn

Love declerations

The best Quotes by Barney Stinson

Quotes about Barney Stinson

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