Quotes by Aziz Ansari

In Italy, you know you've found a truly authentic restaurant when they don't have an English menu. In India, it's when there are no utensils and you must eat with your hands.

Be nice to people and work hard!

There's probably so many people that are capable of incredible things that just don't get the opportunity. I always say that if I didn't write Master of None, nobody would've given me this part.

What you really want is someone you can hang around with on a Sunday afternoon and watch a TV show with, and do nothing, and feel like it's the most fun ever.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.