The best Quotes by Andrew Glouberman

I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection.

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I gotta withhold my seed for the safety of mankind.

Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.

Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

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Andrew: "Jay's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance."
Nick: "What? First of all, I think he's got that wrong. Either that or you have grossly misquoted him."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Those girls are gonna eat him alive, and then barf him out because they're bulimic.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Jay: "How else are men supposed to get bj0bs?"
Maury: "You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say, 'Dinner is served'."

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 8

If I was gonna f*ck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 1

"Sorry, bro, she wants a real man. Ninth grade, top of the food chain."
Nick: "Um, actually, sweets and fats are at the top of the food chain."
Andrew: "Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing the food pyramid with the food chain."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Andrew: "When you do kiss a girl, to make it official..."
Nick: "...there's gotta be tongue!"
Andrew: "Major tongue."
Nick: "You want to flick your tongue around."
Andrew: "Ideally."
Nick: "And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers too."
Andrew: "Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve."
Nick: "Yeah. We know what we're talking about."
Andrew: "It's nice to talk like men."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I am not a kid, for your information. I am 60 years old. I remember when Moses was president.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

You're gonna sit on his face and use that hair as a seat belt.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 10

Puberty Fairy?! I'm the hormone monster. I'm no fairy. I mean sure I like to f*ck around with dudes, but I'm no fairy.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Nick: "I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill."
Andrew: "Oh yeah, what happened with that?"
Nick: "I think it's gonna be Papa John now."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

Harriet Tubman

Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth

You somehow made farting even cooler!

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 11

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote, "Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote. And I think this red bra scares both of us.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth

Eleanor Roosevelt

What is the point of research papers? Every thing's on Wikipedia, and it's all completely accurate.

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

Wikipedia

Kids just don't nut like they used to.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

I'm like Young Sheldon... if he fed.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 9

Young Sheldon

Listen to me! You want to shoplift lipstick, you want to listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat while you cut up all your t-shirts. You want to scream at your mother and then laugh at her tears!

Connie in Big Mouth

Lana Del Rey

Wrong? We're in Florida. The state bird is a chicken finger.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 5

Florida

It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.

Joe Biden - August 2024

2024

You know, not only am I campaigning, but I'm running the world.

Joe Biden - July 2024

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

Joe Biden - March 2024

Donald Trump

A two-state solution is the only way to guarantee the long-term security of both the Israeli and the Palestinian people.
To make sure Israelis and Palestinians alike live in equal measure of freedom and dignity, we will not give up on working towards that goal.

Joe Biden - November 2023

2023 Middle East Conflict

We must, without equivocation, denounce antisemitism.
We must, without equivocation, denounce Islamophobia.

To all of you hurting: You belong.

You're all America.

Joe Biden - Oktober 2023

Antisemitismus

The vast majority of Palestinians are not Hamas. And Hamas does not represent the Palestinian people.

Joe Biden - Oktober 2023

Palestine Middle East Conflict

There is no justification for terrorism. My commitment to Israel's security and the safety of Jewish people is unshakable. The United States has Israel's back.

Joe Biden - Oktober 2023

2023 Middle East Conflict

I don't know for a fact what happened, but I'm not surprised. There's not much that happens in Russia that Putin is not behind.

Joe Biden - August 2023

Vladimir Putin 2023 Yevgeny Prigozhin

If I were Prigozhin, I'd be careful what I ate. I'd keep my eye on my menu.

Joe Biden - Juli 2023

Yevgeny Prigozhin

The midterms are one of the most important elections in our lifetime. This isn't a referendum this year, it's a choice - a choice between two vastly different visions of America.

Joe Biden - November 2022

US Elections

Smile, but with your p3nis.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I just wish you could see your d1ck the way I do.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I mean, maybe if it's animated we can get away with it.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Andrew Glouberman

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