The best Quotes by Amy Schumer

The best Quotes by Amy Schumer

Amy Beth Schumer (born June 1, 1981) is an American stand-up comedian, actress, writer, producer, and director. Schumer ventured into comedy in the early 2000s before appearing as a contestant on the fifth season of the NBC reality competition series Last Comic Standing in 2007.

All my friends are getting married. I guess I’m just at that age where people give up.
My ex-boyfriend, he was really into family. He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

You might like these Quotes aswell

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11
5
There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.
Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man
2
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
2
Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 3
2
I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
1
In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 5
1
We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.
Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC
Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!
I don't wanna f*ck it up because one of us didn't prepare for the slim possibility of New York City traffic!
Michael Lawson in Uncoupled - Season 1 Episode 1
Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.
2
It's like the riddle of the Sphinx; why are there so many great unmarried women - and no great unmarried men?
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 1
8
Elliot: "I'm notifying all my old boyfriends today that I'm officially off the market."
Dr. Cox: "I'm sure the 'pulse' setting on your shower head will be devastated!"
Perry Cox in Scrubs - Season 6 Episode 20
4
It's a shame, you paying all that money for an ex-wife and an ex-wife's house, and you're not allowed inside either one.
Berta in Two and a half Men - Season 3 Episode 4
4
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".
1
To never be sick can't be healthy.
F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.
Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
This is the end of Wladimir Putin.
Jan Böhmermann - February 2022
Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.
Jan Böhmermann (ZDF Magazin Royale) - vom 12.02.2021
People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.
Steve Harvey - February 2021
Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"
Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.
The only time you should look back in life is to see how far you have come.
Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming
You don't need to show up like a SWAT Team to rescue a Barbie from a little girl. If anything, you should be rescuing the little girl from the Barbie. Should be getting there like, "little girl, watch out! That Barbie can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be!"
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.
The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.
Oliver Welke in heute-show - Sendung vom 24.04.2020
We are looking at the biggest economic crash since 1970.
And thanks to closed barber-shops, we'll soon look like the 70s again.
Oliver Welke in heute-show - April 2020
Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.
1
Canada is a country of ingredients without a cuisine; we're a country with musicians without an indigenous instrument; Toronto's a city that doesn't even have a dish named after it.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
1
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Germany... a country whose idea of a bedtime story is two children being left to die in the forest, before nearly being cooked and eaten and then murdering an old woman.
John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)
2
Australia... home of every animal that seems like it should already be extinct.
John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)
1
I think a night like tonight shows a lot of young girls and young boys that if you can shoot you can shoot. It doesn't matter if you're a girl or a boy, I think it just matters the heart that you have and wanting to be the best that you can be.
Sabrina Ionescu - February 2024

Related pages to Amy Schumer

Quotes and Sayings about New York CityNew York CityThe best Quotes by ComediansComedyThe best Quotes about being Single and DatingSingles & DatingThe best Quotes about your ExEx QuotesThe best Quotes by Olaf SchubertOlaf SchubertThe best Quotes by Felix LobrechtFelix LobrechtThe best Quotes by Karl ValentinKarl ValentinThe best Quotes by Ricky GervaisRicky GervaisThe best Quotes by Bill MurrayBill MurrayThe best Quotes by Robin WilliamsRobin Williams