Amazon Alexa - The funniest Commands

"Is Santa Claus real?"
Alexa: "All I know is that someone has been eating all my cookies."

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Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Kyle Broflovski in South Park - Season 11 Episode 12

Luke Skywalker Superman Bugs Bunny Imagination Santa Claus

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

Funny Quotes Santa Claus Bad Girls

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don't even try to tell me different.

Dolly Parton

Santa Claus Easter Bunny Tooth Fairy

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or santa's not gonna bring you anything for christmas.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 19

Mother Santa Claus Mother & Son

Don't be surprised if you wake up in a big brown bag one day. That only means that Santa finally fulfilled my wish.

Santa Claus

I heard there's an old man going around offering gifts to children without asking for compensation. Is that what you call an act of kindness? Fascinating.

Lancelot in Granblue Fantasy: Relink

Santa Claus

Papa Elf: "Silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus."
Buddy: "What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?"
Papa Elf: "Well, there's a rumor floating around that the parents do it."

Papa Elf in Elf

Santa Claus

Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Santa Claus Reindeer

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?
Nothing, it's on the house!

Santa Claus Reindeer

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

Jim Jefferies

Christianity Santa Claus

Santa can't always give a child what they want. 'Cause the child will grow up, become an adult, and realize that a Chanel bag costs a month's wage for most people. Which is the result of just a few people having far too much money.

Alex - The Santa in Julestorm - A Storm for Christmas - Season 1 Episode 2

Santa Claus Chanel

On a very special night every year, legend has it that a jolly old man in a red suit flies through the air and brings gifts, laughter, and joy to children everywhere.

I Believe in Santa

Santa Claus Holy Night

I'm sending you this message in times of capitalism, consumption and presents to remind you of the true meaning of Christmas:
The birth of Santa Claus. Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus

Why are you so serious? What's wrong with believing and liking stuff like Santa Claus and magic, even when you're a bit older?

Lee Eul / Ryu Min-hyuk in The Sound of Magic - Season 1 Episode 1

Magic Santa Claus

On Christmas Eve, many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound I was afraid I'd never hear. The ringing bells of Santa's sleigh.

The Polar Express

Santa Claus

May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Santa Claus

Dear Santa, I have been nice all year.
Most of the time.
Once in awhile.
Never mind, I'll buy my own stuff.

Santa Claus

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?

Matt Groening

Santa Claus

Dear Santa, before I explain... how much do you know already?

Santa Claus

Who can eat millions of cookies in one night and not get fat? Well, I can.

Santa Claus in The Christmas Chronicles

Santa Claus Cookies

The village houses over a million elves. Now, if you combine Amazon, FedEx, the postal service, and UPS with every manufacturing company in the world, and they quadrupled their output for an entire year, well, you just might be getting close to what we can accomplish here in Santa's Village in a single day.

Santa Claus in The Christmas Chronicles

Santa Claus

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Dick Gregory

Santa Claus

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Gary Allan

Funny Quotes Santa Claus

Just saw a three-year-old with a t-shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist. But that's okay, I can't read."

Santa Claus

My parents told me not to lie. All I'm saying is: Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy.

Funny Quotes Santa Claus Easter Bunny Tooth Fairy

Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people only once a year.

Victor Borge

Santa Claus

Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.

Truman Capote

Santa Claus

They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart.

Santa Claus

The Santa Claus, a symbol of love and peace, touches our hearts during this reflective time. With his friendly smile and his big sack full of gifts, he brings joy to the world. Children and adults believe in his magic, which unites us all. May Santa Claus always remain in our hearts, reminding us that the true gift is love.

Santa Claus

Christmas Eve is like a marathon for Santa Claus. He sprints from house to house to deliver gifts. But sometimes, even he goes off track: getting stuck in chimneys, losing his sleigh, or even forgetting where he parked his reindeer! At the end of the day, he's completely exhausted, but happy to have brought joy to people all around the world.

Santa Claus Holy Night

Santa Claus has a tough job. He has to deliver millions of presents every year, climb down chimneys, and give instructions to reindeer. And all of this while wearing an oversized red coat! No wonder he's so fit - he has the best job for a fitness program!

Santa Claus

Once, in the frosty winter nights, an old man with a flowing beard and sparkling eyes roamed through the snowy forests. He was the Santa Claus, carrying gifts from house to house to bring joy to people. In his magnificent red cloak and with his faithful reindeer sleigh, he spread hope and warmth in the cold world.

Santa Claus

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

There are two kinds of big companies in the United States. There are those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those who don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.

James Comey

China Hackers

I believe that Americans should be deeply skeptical of government power. You cannot trust people in power. The founders knew that. That's why they divided power among three branches, to set interest against interest.

James Comey

I will do everything if confirmed as FBI director to make sure the American public knows the full weight of what happened.

Kash Patel - Januar 2025

The Epstein Files

Technology has forever changed the world we live in. We're online, in one way or another, all day long. Our phones and computers have become reflections of our personalities, our interests, and our identities. They hold much that is important to us.

James Comey

Smartphones

There are well over 250 victims, so we have to make sure that their identity is protected. Other than that, I think tomorrow you're gonna see some Epstein information being released by my office. What you're gonna see is a lot of flight-logs, a lot of names, a lot of information.

Pam Bondi - February 2025

The Epstein Files

The people of the FBI are sworn to protect both security and liberty. It isn't a question of conflict. We must care deeply about protecting liberty through due process of law, while also safeguarding the citizens we serve - in every investigation.

James Comey

FBI

It's sitting on my desk right now to review. The Trump administration is committed to truth and transparency.

Pam Bondi - February 2025

The Epstein Files

It's a very delicate subject but we should put everything out there and let the people decide it.

Mike Johnson - July 2025

The Epstein Files

All I'm going to say is I put my hand on a Bible, and I raised my right hand and swore to uphold the Constitution of the state of Florida.

Pam Bondi

Florida

Historically, there has been a clear and essential connection between marriage and responsible procreation and child rearing.

Pam Bondi

Will I support our president, whoever that might be? Absolutely. Did I vote for Donald Trump? Absolutely.

Pam Bondi

Donald Trump

Anyone who attacks our LGBT community, anyone who attacks anyone in our state, will be gone after with the full extent of the law.

Pam Bondi

All I want to do is be the best attorney general that I can be.

Pam Bondi

For too long, government bureaucracies have hindered the growth of businesses not only in Louisiana, but all across the United States.

Mike Johnson

Louisiana

Amazon Alexa - The funniest Commands

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