The best Quotes by Alex Sarkov

Patient: "This isn't over, Dr. F*ckov!"
Sarkov: "Dr. F*ckov. Never heard that one before. Very original! Why don't you try Dr. Suckov?"

Juan: "I'm not a child."
Sarkov: "No, you are a grown man who makes comic books for a living."
Juan: "Graphic novels."
Sarkov: "Okay."

Sarkov: "That's doctor-patient privilege."
Juan: "I thought you were a scientist."
Sarkov: "It's all the same. We all wear white coats and have trouble with eye contact."

My assistant's having a baby. Which is gross. She wanted me to deliver it, as I was like, "I'm not that kind of doctor." I wouldn't even know what I was looking at.

I taught Oxford for years. Then I turned 20 and moved to the States.

How about a copy of the New York Times? It's like reading the internet, but on paper!

Tilda: "A chupacabra, a banshee, and a succubus meet in a park."
Juan: "What's the punchline?"
Tilda: "We are."

Juan: "We should call the police."
Abbi: "Calling the police is what normal people do. We're not normal people anymore."

Music is the blanket that keeps me warm. It's the flag I raise when I'm tearing down the barricade. It lifts me out of myself and changes my perspective of the world. It's how I know God exists.

Juan: "I didn't do it on purpose."
Tilda: "Tell that to his neck."

Sydney Burke: "There's a third lung behind the heart."
Juan: "Awesome. Too bad we had to kill the guy to see all these cool insides."

Tilda: "One more."
PJ: "Don't you think you've had enough?"
Tilda: "I can still hear you. So no."

Tilda: "Chest, butt, one guy asked me to sign his d-ck."
Juan: "What did... I mean, what did you do?"
Tilda: "I tell you what I didn't do. Use my own pen."

Look, I know it's bad, but it's not bourbon bad.

I love science because science is truly the final frontier.

Tilda's a banshee, Juan's a chupacabra, and I'm a succubus. If we work together, we can reverse the side effects.

Abbi: "Tonight we show them that guinea pigs bite back!"
Tilda: "F*ck yeah! You want monsters? We'll give you f*cking monsters!"

PJ: "Have you been forgetting your pills?"
Tilda: "The pills have forgotten me."

We're the reason people don't have to believe in monsters.

No monster left behind.

Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.

Anybody who knows me knows I would never read a comic book. And I certainly would never read anything written by Kevin Smith.

You're going to judge us? Do you get all your ideas from comic book villains?

Things happen. We can't explain them, we can't control them, but they do happen. Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen everyday, just not always when we need them to happen.

What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die, or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor, who ignores you while you die.

Sometimes, the cure is a little taste of the disease. The difference between medicine and poison sometimes is only dosage.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"