The best Quotes and Sayings about Alcohol

I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.

I've gotten more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

There is nothing left to do but get drunk.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

No, I'm not drunk at all. You're just blurry.

I never diet. I smoke. I drink now and then. I never work out.

Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

Bean: 'I just realized something. You're the reason I have a drinking problem.'
Zøg: 'Of course I am. I'm your father.'

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Alcohol is just a lubricant for all the individual encounters that a bar offers.

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Whisky’s good proofing water. Tells you who’s real and who isn’t.

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

That's all drugs and alcohol do, they cut off your emotions in the end.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

A bumper of good liquor will end a contest quicker than justice, judge, or vicar.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

Why can't he go home? Why can't he grab a kebab, down a glass of water and pass out on the couch with one shoe on, like a normal person?

You can’t drink him away. It won’t work.

A kid once said to me, 'Do you get hangovers?' I said, 'To get hangovers you have to stop drinking.'

That's what I do. I drink and I know things.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says 'love your enemy'.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.

It is not true that drink changes a man's character. It may reveal it more clearly.

'That's the problem with drinking', I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.

Lois: 'Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!'
Peter: 'That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!'

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Drunk people are the only honest ones left.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Samantha: 'I think it's sad the way she's using a child to validate her existence.'
Carrie: 'Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?'

Restaurant bathroom doors should be identified with the words, 'men' and 'women'. Silhouettes and cartoon drawings of sombreros, bowler hats, puffy skirts and pretty mouths do not provide enough information for drunks.

Charlie: 'Oh never again, never again.'
Berta: 'You gonna stop drinking?'
Charlie: 'Are you crazy, I'm gonna stop waking up!'

Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, or else Kenny's dad would be a millionaire!

Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.

My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they're going to do for the next five or ten years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking.

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!