The best Quotes by Weird Al Yankovic

One of my pet peeves is that sometimes the talents of my band get overlooked because, and it was the same problem that Frank Zappa had, with a lot of groups that use humor, people don't realize there's a lot of craft behind the comedy.

Frank Zappa

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California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022

California

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

Lalo Salamanca in Better Call Saul - Season 6 Episode 5

California New Mexico

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

Lex Luthor in Superman

California

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Gloria Swanson

California

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

Linus Torvalds

California Helsinki

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Joan Didion

California

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

Silk Spectre in Watchmen -

Justice California

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

Glenn Frey

Los Angeles California

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 11

California

You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

Austin Powers in Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

England & Great Britain California

It's the edge of the world
And all of Western civilization
The sun may rise in the east
At least it's settled in a final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication, Album: Californication

California

I drank when I was pregnant with you, you turned out fine. There's everybody saying 'don't drink, don't smoke'. I swear - Texas is turning into California.

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 9

California Texas

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Woody Allen

Television California Trash TV

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to California - and that's pretty much the same thing.

California

If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

Frank Zappa

Character Self-Confidence

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

Frank Zappa

College Libraries

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Frank Zappa

Mind & Apprehension

Reality is what it is, not what you want it to be.

Frank Zappa

Reality

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

Frank Zappa

Foolishness

Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.

Frank Zappa

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

Frank Zappa

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Frank Zappa

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Frank Zappa

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Frank Zappa

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

Frank Zappa

I'm vile and perverted. I'm obsessed and deranged. I've existed for years but very little has changed. I'm the tool of the government and industry too. For I'm destined to rule and regulate you. You may think I'm pernicious, but you can't look away. I'll make you think I'm delicious with the stuff that I say. I'm the best you can get... have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozing out of your TV set.

Frank Zappa

Schools train people to be ignorant, with style. They give you the equipment that you need to be a functional ignoramus. American schools* do not equip you to deal with things like logic; they don't give you the criteria by which to judge between good and bad in any medium or format; and they prepare you to be a usable victim for military-industrial complex that needs manpower.

Frank Zappa

Penny: "Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello."
Leonard: "Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 5

Nerds

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

Nerds Video games

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

Bilbo Baggins The Hobbit Nerds Quotes about Harry Potter Quotes about Lord of the Rings

So in your world... you're like the "cool guys".

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 13

Nerds

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

Grandmother Willow in Pocahontas

Work Motivation

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

Thomas Edison

Work Giving Up Beginning

Making money isn't hard in itself. What's hard is to earn it doing something worth devoting one's life to.

Carlos Ruiz Zafón in The Shadow of the Wind

Money Work

If A is success in life, then A=x+y+z. Work is x, play is y and z is keeping your mouth shut.

Albert Einstein

Work Success

Success is all about having the confidence to shoot for something even if it seems impossible.

Usher

Success

The secret behind success isn't as much of a secret as people think. It's pretty simple. It's working as hard as you can to accomplish what you want.

Christian McCaffrey

Success

No matter how successful you are, the haters will never go away.

Sam Altman in Startup Playbook

Success

Envy was just the tax you paid on success.

David Nicholls in One Day

Envy Success

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

The best Quotes by Weird Al Yankovic

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