Quotes and Sayings about Comedians

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

You know, I've never thought of myself as a comedian.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring "Huckleberry Finn." Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.

Almost every college playwright or sketch or improv comedian was sort of aware of Christopher Durang - even kids in high school. His short plays were so accessible to younger people and I think that was inspirational to me.

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

I do a lot of Vegas work and work with the comedians.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

He who can make people laugh has to be taken seriously; all people with power know that.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

My parents armed me with an amazing sense of humor, and it's what you need when, well, it's what anyone needs in this world.

People who can put on a serious face while joking are the scariest.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

I don't like the bullying, do-one-over style of comedy. It's so cheap.

Some people even think I wear a wig. Do they think I went into a salon one day and said, "Can you please screw this up really bad?"

I'd love to be animated. I've always wanted to jump off of a bridge and not be hurt, like Bugs Bunny.

Everyone has the gift of laughter inside of them. All the world is a prop.

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"

Harvey: "When people talk about the big one, what do they refer to?"
Contestant: "A man's privates."
Harvey: "Family! I just got this job! What are you trying to do?"

A kiss is something you need both hands for.

Preserve your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but not live.

'You can go home now,' Tom told us.
'We'll meet next week. Then we can rob somebody and kill some people.'

You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.

Everybody wants to laugh - you know that. They need to laugh... people need to laugh.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

Artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up.

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

In Italy, you know you've found a truly authentic restaurant when they don't have an English menu. In India, it's when there are no utensils and you must eat with your hands.

When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something.

I try not to put anything political on the forefront of what I'm trying to do creatively. At the same time, I do think it's wonderful when I hear people say that it's inspirational that I'm an Indian woman on camera. My life is very diverse, and my friends are a diverse group of people.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

I still think my whole career was accidental. I didn't pursue it. I feel like I'm cheating sometimes.

I'm gonna talk about racism now. And this is a straight white man talking, so pay attention!

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

To never be sick can't be healthy.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.