The best Quotes by Abbi Singh

Juan: "We should call the police."
Abbi: "Calling the police is what normal people do. We're not normal people anymore."

I love science because science is truly the final frontier.

Tilda's a banshee, Juan's a chupacabra, and I'm a succubus. If we work together, we can reverse the side effects.

How about a copy of the New York Times? It's like reading the internet, but on paper!

Tilda: "A chupacabra, a banshee, and a succubus meet in a park."
Juan: "What's the punchline?"
Tilda: "We are."

Music is the blanket that keeps me warm. It's the flag I raise when I'm tearing down the barricade. It lifts me out of myself and changes my perspective of the world. It's how I know God exists.

Patient: "This isn't over, Dr. F*ckov!"
Sarkov: "Dr. F*ckov. Never heard that one before. Very original! Why don't you try Dr. Suckov?"

Juan: "I didn't do it on purpose."
Tilda: "Tell that to his neck."

Sydney Burke: "There's a third lung behind the heart."
Juan: "Awesome. Too bad we had to kill the guy to see all these cool insides."

Juan: "I'm not a child."
Sarkov: "No, you are a grown man who makes comic books for a living."
Juan: "Graphic novels."
Sarkov: "Okay."

Sarkov: "That's doctor-patient privilege."
Juan: "I thought you were a scientist."
Sarkov: "It's all the same. We all wear white coats and have trouble with eye contact."

Tilda: "One more."
PJ: "Don't you think you've had enough?"
Tilda: "I can still hear you. So no."

Tilda: "Chest, butt, one guy asked me to sign his d-ck."
Juan: "What did... I mean, what did you do?"
Tilda: "I tell you what I didn't do. Use my own pen."

My assistant's having a baby. Which is gross. She wanted me to deliver it, as I was like, "I'm not that kind of doctor." I wouldn't even know what I was looking at.

I taught Oxford for years. Then I turned 20 and moved to the States.

Look, I know it's bad, but it's not bourbon bad.

Abbi: "Tonight we show them that guinea pigs bite back!"
Tilda: "F*ck yeah! You want monsters? We'll give you f*cking monsters!"

PJ: "Have you been forgetting your pills?"
Tilda: "The pills have forgotten me."

We're the reason people don't have to believe in monsters.

No monster left behind.

They're exhausting to inflate, they scare the shit out of you when they pop, and uninflated they just look like a pile of clown-condoms.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"