Jenko: "Oh, I love Disneyland!"
Captain Dickson: "You two sons of b*tches are going to college!"
Schmidt: "We are trying to show them a good time, not ruin their f*cking lives."
Jenko: "Pound of marijuana?"
Schmidt: "Best party ever!"
Jenko: "What? No, I... oh, come on. I punched him and... he turned out to be gay afterwards."
Schmidt: "Sir, I know we may look like a couple of lady-killers, but me and my partner will be super professional."
Dickson: "Clearly I wasn't talking to you, big-titties. You cherub-looking motherf*cker. I was talking to your partner, fake-ass Handsome McGee here. When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him. When I say 'shut the f*ck up', I'm talking to you."
Hardy: "Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?"
Schmidt: "You do have the right to be an attorney if you want to."
Schmidt: "I would just like to say that I would give a shit if he were black."
Hardy: "Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street... wait, that doesn't sound right."
Greg Jenko: "It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up."
Annie Schmidt: "You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober, when he was really f*cked up and a lot of fun!"